The diamgram shows the life cycle of the honey bee.

The diagram shows the
honey
bee life cycle.
Overall
this
cycle takes around 34 -36
days
from egg to
adult
honey
bee. It can be divided into 4 stages which are egg ,
Nymph
, young
adult
, and
adult
.
Nymph
Correct article usage
The nymph
show examples
will hatch its own egg and free itself during the first stage, After
Female
Correct article usage
the Female
show examples
lays eggs for 9-10
days
. And
then
Nymph
needed to moult 3 times
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when it is 5
days
, 7
days
, and 9
days
.
This
process will make
Nymph
grow up to be a young
adult
.
This
period is the shortest period, it only takes 4
days
for young
adult
honey
bees to become fully
adult
. In
this
stage, it
has
Verb problem
takes
show examples
approximately 16
days
to do the main task.
Adult
honey
bees focus on breeding. Every 3
days
1 female can lay 1 or 2 eggs which means it can lay eggs for a maximum of 10 during its life
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Overall Coherence & Cohesion
There should be a clearer distinction between your introduction and body paragraphs. Consider using phrases like 'In conclusion' or 'Overall' to wrap up your essay.
Logical Structure
Your essay could benefit from linking words or phrases to help show the relationship between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, you could use words like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore,' 'However,' to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Logical Structure
Make sure each stage of the honey bee life cycle is presented in a clear and logical order. Use chronological linking words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly,' 'Finally' to guide the reader.
Complete Response
Although you cover the main stages, being a bit more specific about the transitions could make your response more complete. For instance, you could elaborate more on what happens during the molting periods.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
While your ideas are clear, they lack depth. Adding more detailed descriptions of each stage would show a more comprehensive understanding of the process.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include more specific examples to support your points, like the physical changes that occur as a nymph molts, to provide more context and clarity.
Supported Main Points
You did well to outline the main stages of the honey bee life cycle, following the structure of the diagram closely.
Supported Main Points
The use of approximate time frames (for example, 34-36 days for a complete cycle) adds clarity to your description.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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