Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.
It is hard to deny that It is not necessary to learn
music
in schools because it is time-consuming. And such
effects to some people to generate the opinion that children
don't need to learn music
, as It is not as important as other lessons. However
, such
a statement suffers from both logical and factual fallacies and should be examined meticulously. As far as mental health and learning ability, I strongly hold that music
is as important as other subjects, especially those at the preschool level.
First and foremost, music
is good for children
's health. To be specific, the early development
of babies's
brain is related to the external stimulus he receives. Fix the agreement mistake
a baby's
Music
, as a kind of sensory stimulation, can not only promote the development
of babies's musical intelligence,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
benefit the development
of other skills, making the child looks
more clever than their peers, who are not given musical stimulation. Plus, Correct subject-verb agreement
look
Music
also
has a very good healing effect, can soothe the baby's mood, and reduce crying, for the baby who suffered unpleasant experiences, music
also
has a treating effect which can soothe their mood, reducing crying, especially for those who has suffered from unpleasant experiences, music
can be regarded as good mental therapy.
Nevertheless
, a voice arises that music
lessons can take time away from other basic subjects, such
as math and physics, leading to lower grades. Ironically, children
's learning also
is influenced by music
. Take the case of the famous studies from a top-notch university. Studies have shown that music
education can promote children
's intellectual development
, and improve their attention, memory and excellent academic performance in science, physics and mathematics. Music
education can also
promote children
's physical development
and improve their coordination and motor skills .
In conclusion, Music
, as an art form, has a positive impact on children
's mental development
and learning ability. So,music
is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level.Submitted by 2631272260 on
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task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task with a clear opinion and strong arguments supporting your view. However, introducing specific real-world examples or studies would strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, ensuring smoother transitions between points would enhance coherence. Also, elaborating more on contrasting opinions and providing a more thorough discussion would contribute to a balanced argument.
task achievement
The essay has a clear and relevant response to the task with a well-defined opinion supported by logical arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-stated, effectively framing the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.