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Band 5.5

Teenagers have problems at home and school. What difficulties are they facing now? What should parents and schools do to help them?

#teenagers #home #school #difficulties #parents #schools
Nowadays, youths are facing
problems
 either in the home or
school
due to
 various reasons.
This
 essay will discuss the
problems
 they are facing currently and possible solutions to overcome them. The main issues faced in the home could be a lack of parenting, and love, not supporting the ideas or decisions made by them, abusing them, and unhealthy arguments between the parents. These
problems
 can lead to hating their parents, mental disturbance, and might even end up being bad figures in society like social psychopaths or cold-hearted behaviours. In a similar way, teenagers face
problems
 in
school
 too like getting bullied, and cold behaviour from the teachers.
For instance
, teenagers who are obese turn out to be victims here by getting bullied by peers, making fun of their looks, and
forced
Wrong verb form
forcing
show examples
 them
cultivate
Add the particle
to cultivate
show examples
 unhealthy practices like smoking. These might lead to childhood trauma as they grow up.
However
, these problem needs to be addressed with appropriate yet effective solutions like creating a government committee to monitor teenage behaviour in every
school
, which directly reports to the government. Parents counselling once in a
while
 with professionals. Inhabiting
such
 practices helps to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 youths from being exploited.
For example
, teachers counselling students individually will help them to share any
problems
 or difficulties
facing
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 peers or in their studies. Where it can be resolved at the early stage.
To conclude
, there are too many
problems
 faced by teenagers in their day-to-day lifestyles either at home,
school
, or anywhere. Carrying out the above solutions will help them avoid
such
 instances of being traumatized.
Submitted by nlchiranth11 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support each point. This adds depth and makes your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use linking words and transitional phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task with relevant ideas and solutions. This shows you understand the topic well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute well to framing the essay.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs for different points. This helps the reader to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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