IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Individuals can do nothing to change society. New developments can be only brought about by governments and large institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#individuals #change #society #developments #governments #institutions
It is argued that only governments and big organizations can have an impact on the public
while
individuals
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 change
society
. Personally, I completely disagree with the statement, and the reasons will be discussed in
this
 essay. There is no doubt that large institutions and governments can change
society
 positively, but that does not mean that
individuals
 cannot. The new technology and innovative ideas raised by
individuals
 are not negligible. To be specific, several cases
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
individuals
 made great contributions to
society
 have been witnessed.
For instance
, the electric lamp invented by Edison has impacted people’s lives for hundreds of years. Another reason why I am against the given opinion is that
individuals
 can influence public
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 by expressing their views and comments.
That is
 to say, people can show their viewpoint on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social platforms easily.
For example
, when some people see the news of killing animals, they might make a video about animal protection and post it on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media. Once the video is sent on the internet, it will spread widely in a short time and soon make more people aware of the importance of protecting animals.
Therefore
, the actions have a positive impact on
society
. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the statement that
individuals
 are unable to affect
society
 in a positive way.
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coherence
Ensure that your argument flows smoothly from one point to another. While your points are clear, adding transitional phrases can improve coherence.
task response
Providing additional examples or elaborating on the existing ones could strengthen your argument even further, making it more compelling and nuanced.
organization
You have effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task response
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence
The essay maintains a logical structure, and your ideas are presented in a coherent manner.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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