IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more people are opting for distance education these days. What are the benefits of this trend? According to you, is it a positive or a negative development?

#people #distance #education #trend #development
In the recent era, a number of individuals
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
deciding
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to pursue their studies abroad. Easy access to multiple opportunities and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made
this
 option more economical and beneficial for the
students
.
This
 essay will discuss the benefits of
this
 ongoing trend,
along with
present
Wrong verb form
presenting
show examples
 a clear perspective if
this
 is a positive or a negative development.
To begin
 with, abroad
education
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 the most popular trend
going on
Verb problem
apply
show examples
for the past few years in many developing countries. The foremost reason
students
 choose to study in a different region or a country is to graduate from a reputable University with quality
education
 and endless opportunities, which enables them to build a successful career.
For example
, Western Universities have a record of 90%
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
 being selected for
white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar
show examples
 jobs after they complete their
education
,
on the other hand
, their native countries might not be able to match the same level of placement guarantee
due to
 their poor curriculum and lack of employment around the nation.
Moreover
,
students
 who opt for distance
education
 can save more funds in comparison to the
students
 who study in their own country.
Such
 as, Germany offers free
education
 or some really helpful scholarships to the
students
 who are accepted in their public universities,
whereas
, the educational institutes in their own country will charge them for a significant amount.
For instance
, if a student is able to secure a scholarship in a foreign university
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 the total cost of
education
 may be reduced
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a significant amount. In conclusion, pursuing studies abroad is beneficial for the
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, as they can get quality
education
 from
well renowned
Add a hyphen
well-renowned
show examples
 Universities with some great opportunities once they finish their studies, which might be not possible in their own countries.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You've done a great job addressing the topic and offering a coherent argument. However, the essay seems to stray slightly from the main topic of distance education to focus more on studying abroad. Make sure to stay focused on distance education specifically as this is what the prompt asks for.
task response
Your essay should maintain its focus throughout all paragraphs. The examples given are relevant but a bit more could be done to directly connect them to the concept of distance education. Also, avoid repetition of similar points.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more connectors and transitional phrases to ensure a smoother flow between ideas. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better by ensuring that each paragraph addresses a single point or idea. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
The introductory paragraph effectively sets the stage for the discussion and gives a clear overview of the essay's intent.
task achievement
The main body paragraphs provide detailed examples which help to substantiate the points made, although they could be better aligned with the main topic of distance education.
task achievement
The conclusion does a good job summarizing the main points and reinforcing the stance taken in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: