SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT COUNTRIES SHOULD PRODUCE THE FOOD TO FIELD THEIR POPULATION THEMSELVES AND IMPORT AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
A certain number of people have an opinion that countries must generate the products for subsistence for their civilians.
Moreover
, governments should import products as little as possible. Based on my personal opinion, I disagree with this
approach because it is pointless. Although
, I admit that this
point of view has several advantages. In this
essay, I'll discuss about pros and cons of this
idea.
One of the advantages of this
idea is environmental sustainability. For the
reason localized production of Correct determiner usage
this
food
can minimize the carbon footprint which is created by long-distance transportation of goods. Likewise
, the next pros
Fix the agreement mistake
pro
are
cultural preservation. Emphasizing Correct subject-verb agreement
is
food
production helps preserve traditional agricultural practices and supports local food
cultures promoting diversity and the
heritage.
Even if they have Correct article usage
apply
perspective
chance to sustainability Correct article usage
a perspective
and
etc, it Correct word choice
apply
point have
a big issue in their way. Wrong verb form
has
For instance
, the limited variety and the choice of foods can lead to massive dissatisfaction from buyers. Furthermore
, it has bad
effect Correct article usage
a bad
to
diplomatic Change preposition
on
relationship
between countries which will Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
fetch
to Verb problem
lead
underdevelopment
of humanity. Correct article usage
the underdevelopment
Additionally
, the countries with limited production of food
will have a
big troubles. Consequences can include hunger and death.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, I want to notice repeatedly that the idea of producing the
Correct article usage
apply
food
only for your
civilians Correct pronoun usage
apply
is
Verb problem
has
a
certain pros. Correct article usage
apply
However
, it is simultaneously flawed and dangerous for peopleSubmitted by talgattan4ez on
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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear position on the topic, but avoid using 'Based on my personal opinion' as it is redundant. Simply state your position clearly instead. Also, make sure to outline the structure of your essay more clearly in the introduction.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, try to incorporate specific examples to support your arguments, particularly in the paragraphs discussing the disadvantages. This will help strengthen your response and make your argument more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
There is a need for better proofreading and grammatical corrections. For example, phrases like 'it is pointless,' 'environmental sustainability,' and 'cultural preservation' could be followed by better explanations to make them clearer and more coherent.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases are awkward or unclear. For example, 'perspective chance to sustainability' and 'it point have big issue in their way' are difficult to understand. Spend some time improving sentence structure and clarity.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is excellent for demonstrating a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your organization is logical, with distinct paragraphs dedicated to different points of view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, which provides a well-rounded structure to your essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.