Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? (Give reasons for your answers and include any relewant examples from your own knowledge or experience.)
Undoubtedly,
money
plays a vital role in everyone's life
and can make people
joyful. Some sections of folks believe that having a plethora of money
can make them lucky in many ways. This
essay will discuss the reasons behind the above-mentioned statement along with
explanation
of other things, which can make Add an article
an explanation
people
happy in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, not only folks can experience financial security with a lot of money
but also
they have a
financial freedom. Remove the article
apply
Due to
this
, individuals do not have to worry about their expenses because they can fulfill
their basic needs with funds. Change the spelling
fulfil
Therefore
, people
can live a stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
life
because they do not have to ask someone for the
cash during Correct article usage
apply
the
critical situations. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, folks have a
ability to pursue hobbies and interests with the support of wealth because they can do whatever they want. Correct article usage
the
For example
, if person
Add an article
a person
the person
want
to become a piolet Change the verb form
wants
then
a person needs a lot to
Change preposition
of
money
to achieve their goals. This
can possible
with the advantage of having an immense amount of cash.
Add a missing verb
be possible
Besides
, long-lasting healthy relationships and connections with love
one's can make Change the form of the verb
loved
people
joyful because they can spend their percious
time together and make Correct your spelling
precious
a
wonderful memories. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
For instance
, having a
amazing husband can Change the article
an
makes
his wife Wrong verb form
make
more happy
in any situation because they Replace the words
happier
are sharing
a pure loving bond. Wrong verb form
share
Last
but not least, personal growth and self-improvement is the
another factor, which can be lucrative for experiencing joy. Owing to Remove the article
apply
this
, whenever people
feel their
are becoming more mature and achieving their goals Correct pronoun usage
they
then
they can experience thrill and excitement.
To conclude
, financial security and ability
to Correct article usage
the ability
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
the
dreams can make Correct article usage
apply
people
happy and this
is possible with a lot of money
for a fruitful life
. Also
, improving personal growth and healthy relationships are the
important things in everyone's Correct article usage
apply
life
for experiencing thrill and excitement.Submitted by kulvir1910 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on developing and connecting each idea more clearly. Some sentences seem repetitive or redundant.
task achievement
Ensure that any examples provided directly support and enhance the points made. The example of becoming a pilot could be more clearly connected to the idea being discussed.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a thesis statement in the introduction that outlines what the essay will cover. This gives a clear direction to your readers.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the prompt: how money can make people happy and what other factors contribute to happiness.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?