You have bought a new camera but when you got it home some problems. You returned the camera and spoke to the company representative a week ago but the camera has still not been repaired. Write a letter to the company. • Introduce yourself • Explain the situation • Say what you would like the company to take

#camera #home #company #representative #week #situation

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with my new

camera

. I am Iymon who is one of your regular customers.

Summer

Change preposition

On summer

show examples

days, I often

hanging

Change the form of the verb

hang

show examples

out with my friends in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

beautiful places.

For instance

; two weeks ago we

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

went to the mountain and

this

time we

have

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

necessary

Add an article

a necessary

show examples

new digital

camera

Therefore

, one of my

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

; recommended your store because there are a lot of choices and that’s

way

Correct your spelling

why

show examples

, I purchased from your mall. When I got home

this

camera

completely worked.

However

, I found

malfunction

Correct article usage

a malfunction

show examples

Firstly

this

camera

does not switch on with the burning on the way

camera

Add an article

the camera

a camera

show examples

is very gross.

In addition

, it was not extra facilitation. I purchased for very expensive.

Although

I told your representative, my digital

camera

has still not been repaired.

Therefore

, I want to refund all money or

fixed

Wrong verb form

fix

show examples

this

camera

. To resolve the problems, I would appreciate it if you could. I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. Yours faithfully, Xamidov Iymonjon

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Sun Aug 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow of ideas. For instance, after introducing yourself, smoothly transition into explaining the camera's issue before mentioning your outing with friends.

task achievement

Minor grammatical errors are present, like 'burning on the way camera is very gross' which should be 'the button on the camera is very gross.' Proofread for better accuracy.

task achievement

You have covered all key points: introducing yourself, explaining the situation, and specifying what action you want the company to take.

coherence cohesion

The closing of the letter is well-done; it is polite and formal.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

173 words

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