Some people think that the best (only) way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals are of the opinion that increasing the minimum legal
age
for who
driving cars or riding motorbikes will be the most effective way to improve Correct pronoun usage
those
road
safety
.
In my opinion, I totally disagree with this
suggestion for some main reasons below.
To begin
with, there are now a huge number of youngsters using private vehicles. At this
rebellious age
, some of them would love the feeling of showing off and being against the rules. Consequently
, some may have the habit of driving offenses
, Change the spelling
offences
for instance
: running the red light; being drunk when driving, etc. and pose
a serious threat to Wrong verb form
posing
road
safety
. So it's believed that they are the major reason why traffic
accidents rate is rising day by day. Correct article usage
the traffic
However
, in reality, the
youngsters are definitely not the only cause of Correct article usage
apply
this
issue because it ean
be every Correct your spelling
can
age
group in our society because of citizens
lack of awareness and limited understanding Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
about
Change preposition
of
traffic
laws. Basically, to the extent the government minimizes the legal age
, accidents will reduce but still occur continually by
other older guys. So, the matter can't be Change preposition
among
done
thoroughly by the aforementioned solution.
Verb problem
resolved
Instead
of passing a new law which is merely based everyone's
Change preposition
on everyone's
age
, the government can launch campaigns that directly affect the mindset of the public. The most compelling evidence is that if they disobey the law, they will not only threaten others' safety
but also
put them into a death situation. Moreover
, stricter retribution should be imposed on those who commit traffic
violations to warn other individuals, like to confiscate driver
Change noun form
driver's
license
or bring Fix the agreement mistake
licenses
into
criminal law. Correct pronoun usage
them into
In particular
, teaching students about traffic
laws is indispensably necessary to form their discipline at a young age
. Generally, those solutions will enhance knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
to
of the whole public and have a practical impact on their actions Change preposition
apply
while
participating in traffic
.
To sum up
, raising the
Correct article usage
apply
road
safety
by increasing the legal age
is possibly a way to gain better road
safety
, but from my point of view, it isn't advisable for long-term use. Thus
, as the elucidated reason, I disagree that it will be the best key to improve
Wrong verb form
improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
public-
Correct your spelling
public traffic
traffic
security.Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on
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Task Response
You have provided a complete response to the prompt, addressing the main points clearly. However, try to improve the clarity of your ideas by avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that each point is distinct.
Task Response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and grounded in real-world scenarios.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the overall structure is logical, a few of your transitions could be clearer to enhance the reader's understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. Just ensure that your main points are thoroughly supported within the body paragraphs, as some of them could use more development.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, setting the stage for your argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points, which aids in the overall clarity of your essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments and reiterates your position, providing a strong end to your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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