IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best (only) way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals are of the opinion that increasing the minimum legal
age
Use synonyms
 for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 driving cars or riding motorbikes will be the most effective way to improve
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 suggestion for some main reasons below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are now a huge number of youngsters using private vehicles. At
this
Linking Words
 rebellious
age
Use synonyms
, some of them would love the feeling of showing off and being against the rules.
Consequently
Linking Words
, some may have the habit of driving
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
: running the red light; being drunk when driving, etc. and
pose
Wrong verb form
posing
show examples
 a serious threat to
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
. So it's believed that they are the major reason why
Use synonyms
traffic
Correct article usage
the traffic
show examples
 accidents rate is rising day by day.
However
Linking Words
, in reality,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters are definitely not the only cause of
this
Linking Words
 issue because it
ean
Correct your spelling
can
 be every
age
Use synonyms
 group in our society because of
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
show examples
 lack of awareness and limited understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 laws. Basically, to the extent the government minimizes the legal
age
Use synonyms
, accidents will reduce but still occur continually
by
Change preposition
among
show examples
 other older guys. So, the matter can't be
done
Verb problem
resolved
show examples
 thoroughly by the aforementioned solution.
Instead
Linking Words
 of passing a new law which is merely based
everyone's
Change preposition
on everyone's
show examples
age
Use synonyms
, the government can launch campaigns that directly affect the mindset of the public. The most compelling evidence is that if they disobey the law, they will not only threaten others'
safety
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 put them into a death situation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, stricter retribution should be imposed on those who commit
traffic
Use synonyms
 violations to warn other individuals, like to confiscate
driver
Change noun form
driver's
show examples
license
Fix the agreement mistake
licenses
show examples
 or bring
into
Correct pronoun usage
them into
show examples
 criminal law.
In particular
Linking Words
, teaching students about
traffic
Use synonyms
 laws is indispensably necessary to form their discipline at a young
age
Use synonyms
. Generally, those solutions will enhance
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of the whole public and have a practical impact on their actions
while
Linking Words
 participating in
traffic
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, raising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
 by increasing the legal
age
Use synonyms
 is possibly a way to gain better
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
, but from my point of view, it isn't advisable for long-term use.
Thus
Linking Words
, as the elucidated reason, I disagree that it will be the best key to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public-
Correct your spelling
public traffic
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
 security.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
You have provided a complete response to the prompt, addressing the main points clearly. However, try to improve the clarity of your ideas by avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that each point is distinct.
Task Response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and grounded in real-world scenarios.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the overall structure is logical, a few of your transitions could be clearer to enhance the reader's understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. Just ensure that your main points are thoroughly supported within the body paragraphs, as some of them could use more development.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, setting the stage for your argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points, which aids in the overall clarity of your essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments and reiterates your position, providing a strong end to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • increase road safety
  • maturity
  • rash decision-making
  • cognitive functions
  • risky behavior
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • core issues
  • proper training
  • adherence to traffic rules
  • road conditions
  • vehicle maintenance
  • stricter driving tests
  • enhancing road safety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: