IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that playing computer games has a negative impact on children's health and social skills. Other say it can have a positive impact on their lives. Discuss both these views.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Certain individuals opine that
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are being affected by playing
games
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
show examples
 on their health and social activities
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others think that it can play some major role in
children
Use synonyms
's lives.
However
Linking Words
, both of the perspectives will be narrated in the following paragraphs, and I will support the latter view. On the one hand, several drawbacks of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 have been found for which it could be detrimental for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to play for longer hours.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
children
Use synonyms
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 serious
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 diseases because of continuous sitting in front of
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
withouth
Correct your spelling
without
 getting a break.
This
Linking Words
 can
also
Linking Words
 be responsible for
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 mental
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 major issues are involved in virtual
games
Use synonyms
 as well.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, they could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lag behind from the goal or perspective of life. If we consider one example
that is
Linking Words
 in the UK, online
games
Use synonyms
 are frequently played and that's why they are far away from social activities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 would be beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 from different perspectives. Because of
this
Linking Words
, they would be able to gain more
computer
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
soft-skills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
show examples
. It is more convenient to play online
games
Use synonyms
 when it comes to getting rid of the tiredness.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, the outcome of virtual
games
Use synonyms
 is actually effective in
this
Linking Words
 case.
For instance
Linking Words
,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are assistive to increase the keyboard typing speed. In conclusion, it can be said that both of the viewpoints have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
strong
logics
Fix the agreement mistake
logic
show examples
 to support their sites. Ultimately, I would say that playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 is more crucial in some sort of cases.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to use more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention particular research studies or statistics to bolster your claims.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. This can be achieved by using appropriate transitional words and phrases.
language accurancy
Work on sentence structure and grammar to avoid common errors such as improper use of tenses and subject-verb agreement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion.
task achievement
You make an effort to present and support both viewpoints before stating your own opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative impact
  • physical health
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • repetitive strain injuries
  • social skills
  • virtual worlds
  • face-to-face interactions
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • hand-eye coordination
  • educational tools
  • engaging
  • multiplayer
  • online gaming communities
  • relieve stress
  • entertainment
  • moderation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: