IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. Do you agree or disagree?

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Saving
money
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 has been always a topic of debate. I completely agree that it is crucial for
people
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 to save
money
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 for the
future
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 , especially
younger
Correct pronoun usage
younger ones
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. It is my view that life is full of uncertainties even for individuals who have a job in a prestigious company or have a well-established own business.
People
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 may get laid off from their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 or bankrupt.
therefore
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, it is crucial to save
money
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 for all these financial instabilities in
future
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.
On the other hand
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, to buy fundamental things
such
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 as a house or car
people
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 need to save
money
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 for years.
For instance
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, in my country, young
people
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 have to save up
money
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 for up to twenty years to buy a small flat in cities.
In contrast
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, some
people
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 claim that nowadays in most countries
people
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 face inflation. They firmly insist that in inflation
people
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 lose the value of their saved
money
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 in the near
future
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,
whereas
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 saving
money
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 is an absurd action and
people
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 should buy goods
instead
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 of saving
money
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.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as
people
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 especially youngsters can save their
money
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 by buying gold or any other material so that their value does not decrease over a period of time. In fact, in the time of inflation, the value of precious metals
such
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 as gold and silver goes up.
Thus
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, youngsters will have more
money
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 than the
money
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 they saved in
future
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. In conclusion, I completely agree that saving
money
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 is fundamentally crucial for
people
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 because
people
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 can face
future
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 problems
such
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 as job loss more calmly and in a better way,
also
Linking Words
 they can buy expensive things
such
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 as an apartment easier.

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coherence/cohesion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of your stance. The current introduction is slightly ambiguous.
task achievement
Work on making your conclusion more impactful by summarizing key points more succinctly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to support your arguments to make them more convincing.
coherence/cohesion
Clear and logical structure with well-defined paragraphs.
coherence/cohesion
Good use of contrast between different viewpoints, enhances the argumentative quality.
task achievement
Effective use of real-world examples, such as inflation and the comparison between saving money and investing in precious metals.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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