IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is this the case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

In the early days,
people
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 used to
use
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bicycles
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 from their homes to their workplaces and supermarkets.These days transport methods have changed abruptly
due to
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 the advancement of technology and
people
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 travel long
distances
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 to reach their workplaces.There are many options that can be adopted to motivate everyone to
use
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bicycles
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such
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 as providing jobs in local areas and building separate cycle pathways to avoid accidents. Certainly, there are many ways to encourage
people
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 to drive
bicycles
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. The main important reason is the Authorities must provide jobs in their local areas so
people
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 can
work
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 locally and do not need to commute long
distances
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 for
work
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.
For example
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, in Sydney,
due to
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 the advancement of technology
people
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work
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 far from their homes because they do not have suitable jobs near their regions, so
people
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use
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 private vehicles and public transport to
work
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 in these companies. Another reason is separate pathways, these days the population has been increasing and more chances to meet with an accident, so
people
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 avoid using
bicycles
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 and many sites have no designated parking space. There are many steps that can be taken by the Authorities so
people
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 can
use
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bicycles
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.
Firstly
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, encourage society about the future dangers of using fossil fuels.
For instance
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, residents of Sydney
use
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 cars even for short
distances
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due to
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 the lack of awareness about environmental pollution.
Secondly
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, provide special parking spaces on trains, so
people
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 can carry their
bicycles
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 with them.
In addition
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, the States must provide vouchers to motivate them to
use
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bicycles
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. In conclusion,
due to
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 their job commitments,
people
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 have to travel far
distances
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 and need to
use
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 other transport methods to reach their destinations.
However
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, if motivate the public and teach them about pollution and upcoming disasters, they will definitely
use
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 cycles.

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coherence/cohesion
Ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This will enhance the reader's understanding from the beginning.
task achievement
Try to develop and elaborate on the key points more comprehensively. Providing multiple specific examples and expanding on them will strengthen the essay's relevance and depth.
coherence/cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the fluidity of the essay. Using cohesive devices such as 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' effectively will improve the overall coherence.
coherence/cohesion
Focusing on refining sentence structures and avoiding minor grammar and punctuation errors will improve overall readability and coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and varied solutions to the problem to show a deeper understanding of the topic and to give a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
task achievement
You provided multiple reasons why people might avoid using bicycles and proposed practical solutions.
coherence/cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You addressed both parts of the task with relevant points and examples.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable transport
  • cycling infrastructure
  • bike lanes
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic calming measures
  • commute
  • subsidies
  • physical exertion
  • environmental benefits
  • safety regulations
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