Nowadays, people are living an increasingly longer life and in many countries there are more old people than young people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#people #life #countries #trend

Today, most

people

are living and growing longer

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and in most nations there are more old

people

than grown-up

people

. There are

two

drawbacks which are

overpopulation

and increasing burden on family

members

while

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it is beneficial to help family

members

and

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

learn experiences from older

people

. The

two

negatives are

behind

Change preposition

that

show examples

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

more living

Wrong verb form

live

show examples

longer than the youth. The first is enhanced the

overpopulation

in the world. which means those

people

living and died not balanced,

in other words

although

the government has made regulations to reduce

overpopulation

, most countries not have overcome it.

As a result

, many problems are social,

such

as unemployment and criminalization. The second one, linked to the

first,

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is a burden on the family

members

, since they must

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

take care of older

people

for example

, eating, drinking and controlling their health.

As a result

, young

people

are busy they have not time to be aware of their parents who are old. There are positive are behind

this

, the benefit is helping families. which means the ageing population can support the economy because they have a lot of money. After, they had worked for a long time and some golden agers had been business.

Therefore

, they can support young

people

in making new businesses and living costs. The second benefit, linked to the

first,

is getting experience from elders. since it

needs for

Verb problem

show examples

their life to find new jobs or if they want to make new businesses where the ageing community can be the instructors to guide the business

what

Correct word choice

that

show examples

young

people

want to make.

Consequently

, they will be successful in their career in future.

To sum up

two

drawbacks to older

people

living

Change preposition

apply

show examples

, it is not only affecting

overpopulation

, but it

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

a burden on family

members

. Meanwhile,

two

positive ways are helping family

members

and they get

beneficial

Replace the word

benefits

show examples

from older

people

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sun Aug 18 2024

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grammar

Ensure grammatical consistency: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structures to enhance readability.

vocabulary

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cohesion

Enhance cohesion: Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly.

content

Relevant points identified: The essay identifies key advantages and disadvantages of the topic.

structure

Clear structure: The essay follows a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing pros and cons, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

313 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, people are living an increasingly longer life and in many countries there are more old people than young people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Government should discourage people from constantly buying up-to-date or fashionable products. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history.

In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Every country in the world has its own road rules, but many drivers don’t obey them. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?