Nowadays, people are living an increasingly longer life and in many countries there are more old people than young people. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

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Today, most
people
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are living and growing longer
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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and in most nations there are more old
people
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than grown-up
people
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. There are
two
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drawbacks which are
overpopulation
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and increasing burden on family
members
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.
while
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,
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apply
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it is beneficial to help family
members
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and
youngster
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youngsters
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learn experiences from older
people
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. The
two
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negatives are
behind
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that
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elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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more living
Wrong verb form
live
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longer than the youth. The first is enhanced the
overpopulation
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in the world. which means those
people
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living and died not balanced,
in other words
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,
although
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the government has made regulations to reduce
overpopulation
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, most countries not have overcome it.
As a result
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, many problems are social,
such
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as unemployment and criminalization. The second one, linked to the
first,
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is a burden on the family
members
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, since they must
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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take care of older
people
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,
for example
Linking Words
, eating, drinking and controlling their health.
As a result
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, young
people
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are busy they have not time to be aware of their parents who are old. There are positive are behind
this
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, the benefit is helping families. which means the ageing population can support the economy because they have a lot of money. After, they had worked for a long time and some golden agers had been business.
Therefore
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, they can support young
people
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in making new businesses and living costs. The second benefit, linked to the
first,
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is getting experience from elders. since it
needs for
Verb problem
is
show examples
their life to find new jobs or if they want to make new businesses where the ageing community can be the instructors to guide the business
what
Correct word choice
that
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young
people
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want to make.
Consequently
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, they will be successful in their career in future.
To sum up
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,
two
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drawbacks to older
people
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living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, it is not only affecting
overpopulation
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, but it
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
a burden on family
members
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
two
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positive ways are helping family
members
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and they get
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
from older
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Relevant points identified: The essay identifies key advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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