Many people think that reason for juvenile delinquency is that women work a lot and they cannot make time for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Numerous
people
believe thar
Correct your spelling
that
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
face issues because married women who are employed work a lot and cannot make time for their children's upbringing. I completely disagree with this
statement as juvenile problems have
may arise Unnecessary verb
apply
due to
different reasons.
One of the primary reasons of
Change preposition
for
this
tendency is social media. It exerts great influence on youngsters. Poeple
at Correct your spelling
People
the
young age may Correct article usage
a
expose
to violent contents which affect their behaviour negatively. They may even be prone to violence. Wrong verb form
be exposed
For instance
, we can hear in the news how young people
kill each other due to
the effects of age inappropriate
videos and games. Add a hyphen
age-inappropriate
Additionally
, young people
tend to choose role models for themselves and emulate their lifestyles. Since they do not have enough experiences
in human relations, they may easily idolize Fix the agreement mistake
experience
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
people
and get manipulated. For example
, during my school years
I have seen a lot of children who were impacted by characters in mafia movies and bully their counterparts. They used to think it was cool to act that way. These attitudes may have Add a comma
years,
detriemental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
efffects
on their adult lives as well.
Another root cause is Correct your spelling
effects
an
environment in which children were brought up. It is crucial to hang out with Correct article usage
the
right
Correct article usage
the right
people
as they may either help you to grow or drag you
own. From Correct pronoun usage
your
early
Correct article usage
an early
ages
, Fix the agreement mistake
age
people
make frends
in different places Correct your spelling
friends
such
as schools, playgrounds, social gatherings and so on. They are likely to pick up on habits regardless of their upbringings
. Those habits can be something useful like reading books and studying hard. Fix the agreement mistake
upbringing
However
, it easily can be harmful actions like smoking. I have seen many minors who smoke in the schoolyard. Friends may pass cigarattes
each other, and even one try may create addiction.
In conclusion, I opine that women are not the ones to blame when it comes to problems related to the young. Juveniles should pay attention to what they consume on social media platforms, the role models they choose, and the Correct your spelling
cigarettes
people
who selects
as Change the verb form
select
a
Correct article usage
apply
closed
Replace the word
close
one
.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on
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task achievement
While the essay presents a relevant argument, it could improve by addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging different perspectives. This would provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
There are some spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'may arise', 'detrimental effects', 'cigarattes'). Proofreading your essay before submission can help identify and correct these issues.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence to enhance the structure and readability of the essay. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples (e.g., references to social media, role models, and personal anecdotes), which effectively illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay. The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. This helps the reader follow your reasoning.