Many people think that reason for juvenile delinquency is that women work a lot and they cannot make time for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Numerous
people
believe
thar
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that
the
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apply
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young
people
face issues because married women who are employed work a lot and cannot make time for their children's upbringing. I completely disagree with
this
statement as juvenile problems
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
may arise
due to
different reasons. One of the primary reasons
of
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for
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this
tendency is social media. It exerts great influence on youngsters.
Poeple
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People
at
the
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a
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young age may
expose
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be exposed
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to violent contents which affect their behaviour negatively. They may even be prone to violence.
For instance
, we can hear in the news how young
people
kill each other
due to
the effects of
age inappropriate
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age-inappropriate
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videos and games.
Additionally
, young
people
tend to choose role models for themselves and emulate their lifestyles. Since they do not have enough
experiences
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experience
show examples
in human relations, they may easily idolize
wrong
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the wrong
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people
and get manipulated.
For example
, during my school
years
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years,
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I have seen a lot of children who were impacted by characters in mafia movies and bully their counterparts. They used to think it was cool to act that way. These attitudes may have
detriemental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
efffects
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effects
on their adult lives as well. Another root cause is
an
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the
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environment in which children were brought up. It is crucial to hang out with
right
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the right
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people
as they may either help you to grow or drag
you
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your
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own. From
early
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an early
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ages
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age
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,
people
make
frends
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friends
in different places
such
as schools, playgrounds, social gatherings and so on. They are likely to pick up on habits regardless of their
upbringings
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upbringing
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. Those habits can be something useful like reading books and studying hard.
However
, it easily can be harmful actions like smoking. I have seen many minors who smoke in the schoolyard. Friends may pass
cigarattes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
each other, and even one try may create addiction. In conclusion, I opine that women are not the ones to blame when it comes to problems related to the young. Juveniles should pay attention to what they consume on social media platforms, the role models they choose, and the
people
who
selects
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select
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as
a
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apply
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closed
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close
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one
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apply
show examples
.
Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a relevant argument, it could improve by addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging different perspectives. This would provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
There are some spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'may arise', 'detrimental effects', 'cigarattes'). Proofreading your essay before submission can help identify and correct these issues.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence to enhance the structure and readability of the essay. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples (e.g., references to social media, role models, and personal anecdotes), which effectively illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay. The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. This helps the reader follow your reasoning.
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