IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that reason for juvenile delinquency is that women work a lot and they cannot make time for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Numerous
people
Use synonyms
 believe
thar
Correct your spelling
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
Use synonyms
 face issues because married women who are employed work a lot and cannot make time for their children's upbringing. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as juvenile problems
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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may arise
due to
Linking Words
 different reasons. One of the primary reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 tendency is social media. It exerts great influence on youngsters.
Poeple
Correct your spelling
People
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age may
expose
Wrong verb form
be exposed
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 to violent contents which affect their behaviour negatively. They may even be prone to violence.
For instance
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, we can hear in the news how young
people
Use synonyms
 kill each other
due to
Linking Words
 the effects of
age inappropriate
Add a hyphen
age-inappropriate
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 videos and games.
Additionally
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, young
people
Use synonyms
 tend to choose role models for themselves and emulate their lifestyles. Since they do not have enough
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 in human relations, they may easily idolize
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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people
Use synonyms
 and get manipulated.
For example
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, during my school
years
Add a comma
years,
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 I have seen a lot of children who were impacted by characters in mafia movies and bully their counterparts. They used to think it was cool to act that way. These attitudes may have
detriemental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
efffects
Correct your spelling
effects
 on their adult lives as well. Another root cause is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 environment in which children were brought up. It is crucial to hang out with
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 as they may either help you to grow or drag
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 own. From
early
Correct article usage
an early
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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,
people
Use synonyms
 make
frends
Correct your spelling
friends
 in different places
such
Linking Words
 as schools, playgrounds, social gatherings and so on. They are likely to pick up on habits regardless of their
upbringings
Fix the agreement mistake
upbringing
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. Those habits can be something useful like reading books and studying hard.
However
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, it easily can be harmful actions like smoking. I have seen many minors who smoke in the schoolyard. Friends may pass
cigarattes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 each other, and even one try may create addiction. In conclusion, I opine that women are not the ones to blame when it comes to problems related to the young. Juveniles should pay attention to what they consume on social media platforms, the role models they choose, and the
people
Use synonyms
 who
selects
Change the verb form
select
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
closed
Replace the word
close
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.

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task achievement
While the essay presents a relevant argument, it could improve by addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging different perspectives. This would provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
There are some spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'may arise', 'detrimental effects', 'cigarattes'). Proofreading your essay before submission can help identify and correct these issues.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence to enhance the structure and readability of the essay. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples (e.g., references to social media, role models, and personal anecdotes), which effectively illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the essay. The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and provides a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. This helps the reader follow your reasoning.
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