IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In many countries, governments spend a lot of money celebrating national holidays and festivals. However, some people think that spending money on these celebrations is a waste. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

2.0 / 9
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Introduction
These days many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 to enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
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a festivals
Correct the article-noun agreement
festivals
a festival
show examples
. So, some people think that
benefit
Use synonyms
 to
remain
Verb problem
keep
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 it and enjoy
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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others
Correct word choice
while others
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 believe that
dose
Correct your spelling
does
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 not matter .
This
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 essay will discuss both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
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 and will draw my personal opinion.
Body paragraph 1
In
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On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, a lot
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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disagree for many reasons.
Firslty
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, they
shown
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showed
have shown
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 it is
dos
Correct your spelling
does
show examples
 not
Use synonyms
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 to spend
Secondly
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, it is no use because it
is need
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needs
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 more
money
Use synonyms
 and
expensive
Add a missing verb
is expensive
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.
Moreover
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, they can give
another
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to another
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 country
instead
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 of
spend
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spending
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 on celebration.
Also
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 poor better than
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 without
Use synonyms
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 believe
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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money
Use synonyms
 it
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 relationships between
contry
Correct your spelling
country
.
Also
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 will be new remain every year and enjoy with it.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more respect
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
. and will help
thier
Correct your spelling
them
on
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at
show examples
 festivals.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 it is make a strong habitat with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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. no betrayal, no
cooperaiton
Correct your spelling
cooperation
, no selfishness.
Conclusion
In conclusion after analysis of both
point
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points
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view
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of view
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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money
Use synonyms
 on the country
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
so
Correct word choice
beneficial
show examples
benefit
Use synonyms
 and
n make
Verb problem
creates
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
relaitonships
Correct your spelling
relationships
relationship
 with
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
. and we most to appreciation
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 to
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 job to us.

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea that supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion, but make them more comprehensive. Your introduction should state your thesis clearly, and your conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your thesis in light of the discussion.
task achievement
Your essay needs more specific examples to support your arguments. Include data or case studies to make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully. Expand on each point to explain how it supports your argument. This will make your essay more clear and comprehensive.
task achievement
Work on grammar, spelling, and punctuation to improve clarity and professionalism. This will also contribute to a better flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to provide a balanced view by discussing both the pros and cons of government spending on festivals and holidays.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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