In many countries, governments spend a lot of money celebrating national holidays and festivals. However, some people think that spending money on these celebrations is a waste. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
These days many
of
Change preposition
apply
goverments
spend a lot of Correct your spelling
governments
government
money
to enjoy in
Change preposition
apply
a festivals
. So, some people think that Correct the article-noun agreement
festivals
a festival
benefit
to remain
it and enjoy Verb problem
keep
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
others
believe that Correct word choice
while others
dose
not matter . Correct your spelling
does
This
essay will discuss both side
and will draw my personal opinion.
Change to a plural noun
sides
In
Change preposition
On
one
hand, a lot Correct article usage
the one
are
disagree for many reasons. Unnecessary verb
apply
Firslty
, they Correct your spelling
Firstly
shown
it is Add the auxiliary verb
showed
have shown
dos
not Correct your spelling
does
benefit
to spend Replace the word
beneficial
Secondly
, it is no use because it is need
more Change the verb form
needs
money
and expensive
. Add a missing verb
is expensive
Moreover
, they can give another
country Change preposition
to another
instead
of spend
on celebration. Change the verb form
spending
Also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
a
poor better than Correct article usage
the
spend
without Wrong verb form
spending
benefit
.
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
On the other hand
, mostly
believe Correct your spelling
most
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
money
it is make
relationships between Change the verb form
makes
contry
. Correct your spelling
country
Also
will be new remain every year and enjoy with it. Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
a
individual will Change the article
an
be
more respect Unnecessary verb
apply
a
Correct article usage
the
goverments
. and will help Correct your spelling
governments
government
thier
Correct your spelling
them
on
festivals. Change preposition
at
Furthermore
it is make a strong habitat with each Add a comma
Furthermore,
others
. no betrayal, no Change to a singular noun
other
cooperaiton
, no selfishness.
In conclusion after analysis of both Correct your spelling
cooperation
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
view
, Change preposition
of view
i
believe thatChange the capitalization
I
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
money
on the country it
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
so
Correct word choice
beneficial
benefit
and n make
Verb problem
creates
a
good Correct article usage
apply
relaitonships
with Correct your spelling
relationships
relationship
other country
. and we most to appreciation Change the wording
another country
other countries
goverments
to Correct your spelling
governments
government
they
job to us.Correct your spelling
the
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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea that supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion, but make them more comprehensive. Your introduction should state your thesis clearly, and your conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your thesis in light of the discussion.
task achievement
Your essay needs more specific examples to support your arguments. Include data or case studies to make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully. Expand on each point to explain how it supports your argument. This will make your essay more clear and comprehensive.
task achievement
Work on grammar, spelling, and punctuation to improve clarity and professionalism. This will also contribute to a better flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to provide a balanced view by discussing both the pros and cons of government spending on festivals and holidays.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.