IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, populations of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages whats your opinion?

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In today's world, many nations around the world have
greater
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a greater
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 number of youths, who form the greatest proportion of the total
population
Use synonyms
. I think
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development for a nation and its benefits
surpasses
Correct subject-verb agreement
surpass
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 the drawbacks. The main advantage of having
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young
population
Use synonyms
 is the availability of
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
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 workforce.
This
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 is true especially for the developing nations, because their industrial and commercial sectors experience a
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 expansion every year,
while
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this
Linking Words
 progress requires
hiring
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the hiring
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 of skilled resources with technical capabilities
such
Linking Words
 as engineers, accountants, plumbers, programmers, construction experts, and doctors as well, the younger
population
Use synonyms
 ensures the smooth supply of talent every year which helps the country to prosper and develop significantly.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a survey, the Bangladeshi GDP rose
form
Correct your spelling
from
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mere
Correct article usage
a mere
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 $4 billion to
staggering
Correct article usage
a staggering
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 $40 within the span of 40 years,
this
Linking Words
 became
posssible
Correct your spelling
possible
 since the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 laid emphasis on
training
Correct article usage
the training
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 and development of its youth.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
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 younger
population
Use synonyms
 provides greater tax revenue for the government. Since they
likes
Change the verb form
like
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 to spend money on travelling, eating, entertainment, and sports etc, the government could levy these areas and earn
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of money.
This
Linking Words
 tax money can be used to fund new mega projects and
also
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 cover the expenses of governmental operations. One of the
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
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 is that it is difficult to maintain law and order with younger people. Since they are in
prime
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the prime
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 age of their life
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and are full of strength and power, sometimes it is harder for governments to impose certain bills that
upsets
Wrong verb form
upset
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 them.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
french
Capitalize word
French
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 government imposed a ban on
hijab
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the hijab
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,
this
Linking Words
 angered the young
french
Capitalize word
French
show examples
populus
Correct your spelling
populous
 and they protested until the bill was rolled back.
Thus
Linking Words
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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 harder to control and govern them.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I again think having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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younger people in
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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 is a blessing, they contribute toward
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 progress and economic prosperity, and there more  advantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 having them unless they are not
utlizied
Correct your spelling
utilised
 properly.

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task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, make sure that your ideas are clearly explained and fully developed. For example, in your first main paragraph, further elaboration on how the larger workforce precisely benefits the economy would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages more evenly. Your essay is currently more focused on the advantages.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next one. Use linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each main point is clearly supported with specific examples and evidence. For instance, in your second paragraph, further details about how tax revenue is used can add depth to your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively set the stage for your arguments and wrap them up.
supported main points
You presented well-structured main points and supported them with relevant examples.
task achievement
Your essay stays on-topic and provides a clear opinion on the issue.
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