Government spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that government spend too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree ?
It is often believed that the
government
spends a large amount of money on public celebrations
, which should be distributed to other more significant areas. I partially agree with this
, for it should provide more money to the poor since a stagnant economy
make
many people suffer from poverty regardless of the importance of the investment in national Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
celebrations
due to
their long-term benefits.
On the one hand, it is necessary for the government
to spend a sufficient amount of money on public celebrations
because of the incredible effects that they will have on the national economy
. In other words
, holding special events to demonstrate sophisticated skills and knowledge will attract the attention of an internationalp
audience, boosting more opportunities for new contracts and financial support. Correct your spelling
international
For instance
, a national festival held in Osaka was successful in promoting the
local business by exhibiting various unique products Correct article usage
apply
such
as flying cars and robots interacting with humans. Therefore
, their fame for their advanced techniques and creative ideas prevailed in different parts of the world, which led to the prosperity of local industries, making it essential for the authorities to invest in such
festivals.
On the other hand
, it is more urgent for the authorities to invest in public life since stagnant
Add an article
the stagnant
economy
has aggravated poverty, for which many people demand financial assistance for their survival. Indeed, a rising rate of unemployment has become a serious issue, which forces many people to live under severe conditions. Furthermore
, about 10% of young adults in Japan are not even able to afford to pay for their food and accommodation, promoting their health problems as well. Thus
, the government
should put more priority on saving lives
of those who live Correct article usage
the lives
such
a hostile life than holding national events, which are only beneficial to particular companies and investors.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that public funds should be spent on those whose basic right to live is increasingly threatened by the downturn of economy
. Add an article
the economy
While
public safety is the most important factor for the government
to consider, however
, the investment in national celebrations
will help local business expand their business opportunities.Submitted by mizuho on
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language
Use more varied vocabulary and avoid repetition to enhance readability.
content
Provide more concrete examples where possible, particularly when discussing the impact on the poor.
cohesion
Work on smoother transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
task response
The essay presents a balanced viewpoint, considering both sides of the argument.
content
Good use of an example with the Osaka festival to support the positive impacts of public celebrations.
cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that help frame the essay effectively.