Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest for this issue?
In recent years, the media has been developing as a vehicle to connect
people
with each other and also
to propagandize information. The image
of young thin women
is promoted as an ideal image
for women
to pursue. This
problem can cause shaming in everybody's minds
about women
. In my opinion, the solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
of
education is the best way to diminish Change preposition
to
this
phenomenon.
First,
the advertisement of the me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
image
of young thin women
can lead to the discrimination of women
by other people
, especially in men's minds
. The image
of women
with thin bodies and young faces is now becoming more and more common, thereby claiming that a thin body is a standard for women
. This
is the reason that some men look at an oversize
woman as an ugly person. Correct word choice
oversized
Besides
, looking at this
image
can create a lack of self-confidence in women
. Some women
will be shy about their bodies and they compel themselves to do exercise to reduce weight, thereby increasing the pressure on women
. For instance
, the image
of thin women
going to the gym urges women
to go there and do more exercise to keep lean and also
to be more confident in the crowd.
What is the best solution to solve this
issue? In my perspective, education is the answer. We could raise the campaigns to educate women
to be confident in themselves; they should invest in their work and happiness rather than think a lot about their bodies. And we
should Correct word choice
We
also
teach other people
not to assess women
by their appearance; we should look at their value and their achievement
. Another suggestion for Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
this
issue is promoting the image
of oversize
Correct word choice
oversized
women
. Zara, for example
, produces clothes for big size
Add a hyphen
big-size
people
, and they market these products by uploading pictures of women
who are wearing these clothes. Therefore
, this
approach can enhance the overall
image
of women
.
To sum up
, the promotion of the image
of young thin women
has a negative impact on human's
Change noun form
human
minds
and the thinking of people
about women
. Women
are beautiful with their minds
and their hearts rather than their images. We should focus on educating people
to create equal views for everyone, especially women
.Submitted by debora.scott on
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task achievement
The main ideas are present but could be further developed with additional supporting details and examples. Try to include more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph logically flows to the next. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that relates directly to the essay question. Use more cohesive devices to link your ideas smoothly.
general
Some sentences and word choices could be clearer. Ensuring accurate grammar and precise vocabulary can enhance the essay’s clarity and readability.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the topic and your position on it, giving a good start to the essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task completion
You have addressed the key points of the task by identifying problems and suggesting solutions, which demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...