At the present time, thepopulation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is certainly true that some countries have a majority of
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
than old
people
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
not all the effects of
this
innovation have been positive,
although
, it has certainly some advantages. There are several drawbacks to
hire
Wrong verb form
hiring
show examples
young
people
. A common criticism is that young
people
do not have enough
experience
for a certain job. In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
,
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
do not have some
skills
that are necessary for some jobs, so they will gain these
skills
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
time.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most private schools in EGYPT
asked
Wrong verb form
ask
show examples
for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five years
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
, so they do not hire new
graduates
. Another negative aspect
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
fresh
graduates
prefer money
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
experience
, and they prefer it
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
company benefits
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
a survey
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
conducted in the US shows that most
graduates
prefer to take a big
salary
in a small
compny
Correct your spelling
company
than working in a famous known company with a low
salary
. In spite of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
disadvantages, there are some benefits as well. the first advantage is that young
people
can work for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time.
Moreover
,
graduates
can work
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
week days
Correct your spelling
weekdays
show examples
, and
also
they accept a low
salary
.
In addition
, they can work in far places as well.
However
, most companies prefer
experience
Correct your spelling
experienced
show examples
employees,they look for fresh
gradutes
Correct your spelling
graduates
because of their salaries. Another advantage is that most jobs nowadays depend on AI
skills
, so older
people
don't have
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
skills
, but
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
mostly depend on AI
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. In conclusion,
while
some countries prefer old
people
,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
prefer
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
because fresh grauates can accept a low
salary
, and they have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
skills
lika
Correct your spelling
like
AI
skills
that
allign
Correct your spelling
align
with
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
lifestyle.
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Coherence/Cohesion
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Task Achievement
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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