Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [778]
Closing the differences between the upper class and the working class is believed to be the optimal approach to
breed
a happier society. There is little to disagree about Wrong verb form
breeding
this
statement, which I will elaborate on later.
First,
a yawning economic gap is the root cause of social resentment. The majority of US wealth, for example
, is concentrated at
the top Change preposition
in
1-percent
of its population, leaving the lower classes a tiny portion of Correct your spelling
1 per cent
cash
. Add an article
the cash
This
hierarchical imbalance tends to affect other aspects of the working class’s life as well, such
as their living conditions and education, thereby lowering their social mobility. The impoverished, therefore
, tends
to get stuck in the vicious cycle of poverty. Bridging the aforementioned gaps can help mitigate the concomitant issues of poverty, including Change the verb form
tend
a
poor well-being and extreme social evils, which can bring about a higher level of social satisfaction.
To add Remove the article
apply
further
credence to my notion, I note the fact that the richest citizens also
suffer from these systematic differences. To explain, as a way of stabilizing their social and financial status, the upper class
members are often Add a hyphen
upper-class
pressurized
to pursue the best education and compete for the highest-paying job position. With these prestigious conditions come Verb problem
pressured
overwhelming
workload and deteriorating mental health. Correct article usage
an overwhelming
This
is substantiated by the reality that the majority of wealthiest
individuals claim to develop intense workaholism and have low life satisfaction.
In conclusion, keeping hierarchical differences subtle can do Correct article usage
the wealthiest
huge
wonders for almost every member of the population’s mental health and happiness.Correct word choice
apply
Submitted by Andy on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up your argument well, but you could strengthen it by outlining the specific points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, adding a slight transition between the paragraphs can improve the overall flow of your argument.
task achievement
Consider expanding on some of your points, particularly in the second body paragraph, to give a more comprehensive explanation of how the richest are affected by the economic gap.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically organized, making your overall argument clear and easy to follow.
task achievement
Your use of examples such as the US wealth distribution effectively supports your argument and makes it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your argument, providing a clear starting and ending point.