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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

#trend #world #couples #children
It is known that more spouses come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion of not having a baby. The main advantage
in
Change preposition
of
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this
 lifestyle is saving a lot of money
,
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apply
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 because taking care of a child nowadays is very expensive, but those who decide so will never know of a feeling of love towards your kids. People who decide to never have kids will free a lot of time for themselves and save a huge amount of money.
Children
 are clueless about the world around them
hence
 they need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
constant surveillance
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
moreover
 they eat, wear clothes and live preferably with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
. Companies of
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 world continue to increase prices for that stuff, so abandoning the thought of having a child pays off
into
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in
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 your wallet.
For instance
, there is a huge company Danone which
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started
from
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by
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 making
an
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apply
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artificial
powder
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powdered
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 milk for kids,
now
Correct word choice
and now
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 is one
the
Change preposition
of the
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 most profitable in the world.
On the other hand
, once a couple throws away the opportunity of raising a baby, they
also
 trash away all the feelings the little one would have brought up
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a family.
Children
 bring joy and meaning to
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of many because the very nature of our existence is to create heirs, which makes our bodies
to
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apply
show examples
create
endorphin
Fix the agreement mistake
endorphins
show examples
 and feel happy.
For example
, British
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 made an experiment where they measured the level of
endorphin
Fix the agreement mistake
endorphins
show examples
 in people before and after they play with their
children
 and
results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
 indicated a dramatic increase of one afterwards. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, abandoning
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 thought of
creating
Verb problem
having
show examples
 a baby can lead married couples to
saving
Change the verb form
save
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 money
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 buy a lot of time for themselves, but they would
also
 throw away all the feelings and support they could have got from their
children
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt, it could delve deeper into the various aspects of the advantages and disadvantages. More specific details and examples could strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Ensure all claims are supported with clear evidence or examples. The example of Danone could be explained further to illustrate its relevance to the point being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is logical, but there could be smoother transitions between points and paragraphs. This will help maintain a better flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
It's essential to address minor mistakes in vocabulary and grammar to improve overall clarity. For instance, 'conclusion of not having a baby' should be 'conclusion not to have a baby,' and 'conslusion' should be corrected to 'conclusion.'
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The writer presents relevant points for both advantages and disadvantages, maintaining a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • childfree
  • personal freedom
  • financial stress
  • raising children
  • nurturing the relationship
  • societal pressure
  • stigma
  • support network
  • companionship
  • legacy
  • regret
  • intimate bond
  • norm
  • invest in experiences
  • close-knit
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

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