Write about the following topic: Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
A considerable amount of nations are implementing mandatory military service for
youngsters
, regardless of their gender, after they finish school and many think that other countries
who have yet to implement the mentioned program need to follow. However
, I must disagree with this
idea as the need for military force is diverse for each nation and school-graduate youngsters
must have a variety of aspirations.
It is noticeable that some areas in the world are in a position of possible conflict or even war. Strengthening military forces is one of the options to keep the countries
safe from threats and this
is the reason why some nations have been implementing mandatory military service programs for men. For instance
, in South Korea, all men under 30 years of age with fit conditions must serve the country in the military for a period of 2 years.
However
, not all nations are in a position in need of strong military force, making it not suitable to implement mandatory military service for native youngsters
who have finished school. Although
some young people may have an aspiration to be part of the military forces, many must have different aspirations. Therefore
, allowing them to pursue different paths other than the military is important. More to this
, development within a country is not only derived from their military forces and people from different backgrounds can contribute in a variety of ways.
To conclude
, while
some consider the idea of making youngsters
to serve their countries
as military force can be advantageous for the country, I believe each individual's aspiration is far more valuable and to pursue it is a far ethical option and people can contribute to countries
in a variety of way.Submitted by ayeshanuraini29 on
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task response
While your introduction is clear, providing a clearer and more specific thesis statement could further enhance your argument. For example, explicitly stating the reasons for your disagreement can make your position even stronger from the beginning.
task response
Adding more specific examples and evidence to support your points would strengthen your arguments. Try to balance between general statements and concrete, real-world examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure that maintains a consistent flow from the introduction to the conclusion. However, using transition words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' can help increase clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
You provide a strong conclusion that summarises your points effectively. Ensure each main point in the body paragraphs is directly connected and consistently refers back to your thesis to maximize coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which contribute positively to the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
task response
You’ve clearly articulated your stance on the topic and supported it with relevant reasoning.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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