The diagram below shows the different steps to make a simple ice cream recipe at home.

The diagram below shows the different steps to make a simple ice cream recipe at home.
The diagram below shows the 6 steps about how to cook a simple
ice
cream
at home.
Overall
, the 6 steps are preparation, pasteurisation, ageing, freezing, adding extras and hardening.
Firstly
, we
prepare gathering
Wrong verb form
gathered
show examples
ingredients
and some water, some
cup
Fix the agreement mistake
cups
show examples
of juice and milk in the bowl by utensil. The second
step
is pasteurisation. In
this
step
,
while
we set fire to a building, we
are mixing
Wrong verb form
mix
show examples
some milk, sugar and
ingredients
.
Next,
the third
step
is ageing,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
the
ingredients
are refrigerated in
ice
.
In addition
, after these 3 steps, the fourth
step
is freezing.
Ingredients
are cooled in
refrigerator
Add an article
the refrigerator
a refrigerator
show examples
.
In addition
, the 5th
step
is adding
extras
Change the noun form
extra
show examples
flavour.
Finally
, the 6th
step
is
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
hardening. For the final
step
of hardening the
ice
cream
, pour the
ice
cream
mix into a dish with the lid on,
then
chill in the refrigerator for around 10 minutes to harden the
ice
cream
.
Submitted by aimy.emi1097 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words ice, cream, ingredients, step with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ingredient
  • Utensil
  • Heavy cream
  • Vanilla extract
  • Frothy
  • Dissolve
  • Freezer-safe container
  • Prevent freezer burn
  • Ice crystals
  • Smooth texture
  • Soften
  • Serve
  • Toppings
  • Fruits
  • Syrup
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