IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?

#families #children #schools #taxes #support #education #system #statements
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Paying taxes to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
, in order to support
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
education
 system, should not be obligatory for the parents choosing to obtain private
education
 for their kids. I totally agree with
this
 point of view on the grounds that families already pay large amount
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
 for
schools
 and no one
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to pay for the service that they do not benefit from. As opposed to previous years,
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
schools
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 decreased dramatically
in particular
 countries. Corresponding to population growth,
clasrooms
Correct your spelling
classrooms
 are getting crowded and the number of experienced tutors is insufficient. Under
such
 undesired conditions, more and more families are thinking that sending their children to better educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is a must, including destitute ones.
However
, obtaining
education
 from more qualified
schools
 is utterly pricey. Even some parents pay more than half of their income for their offspring.
Thus
, as they already have financial issues, paying tax would be
extra
Add an article
an extra
show examples
 burden for the families who desire better for their kids.
Furthermore
, there is no valid reason for spending money on something
that is
 not obtained. Collecting money from these individuals by force is robbing. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 drive those people to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 different
education
 options
due to
 insufficient conditions.
For
this
 reason, authorities must respect people's choices and implement
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
 tax system. Consider you are a customer at a restaurant. Would you want to be responsible
of
Change the preposition
for
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 table's bill? In conclusion, as special
education
 is already expensive, I would argue that taxes for common
education
 should not be paid by parents who have chosen private
schools
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Your introduction is clear and provides your stance on the topic. However, it could be stronger if you provide a brief overview of the reasons you will discuss. Consider adding a sentence that outlines the main points you will cover in your essay.
task
You have relevant examples, such as overworking parents paying high fees, which support your points. On the other hand, try to include more concrete statistics or studies when making an argument. This would increase the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence
The logical progression of ideas within paragraphs is clear. However, ensure to use cohesive devices and transitions between paragraphs consistently. For instance, the transition from the first main point to the second could be smoother.
task
Your main points are well-supported and you have addressed the task comprehensively, which shows a good grasp of the topic. For instance, mentioning the financial burden on parents effectively highlights the core issue.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, providing closure to your argument.
cohesion
The essay is generally easy to follow, with clear paragraphing and development of ideas within each section, showing a logical structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public services
  • equal opportunity
  • social investment
  • civic duty
  • underfunded
  • infrastructure
  • social solidarity
  • personal choice
  • legal standpoint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: