IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit, while some support this, other people believe that this money should not be given. Discuss both points of view and give your own point of view

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Subsidies
is
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are
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 a form of
finacial
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financial
 assistance given to
people
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 by the
government
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 in order for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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better living standards.I strongly believe a sum of money should not be given to
people
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,as it may cause lesser productivity and a decline in
a
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an
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 incentive to work . On one hand,
Correct article usage
the governement
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governement
Correct your spelling
government
 providing help to citizens may cause lesser production of goods and services and
in addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
 could cause unemployment.
Furthermore
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, many
people
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 may refuse to
continure
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continue
further
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 studies
due to
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 their
dependacy
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dependency
dependence
from
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on
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 their
governement
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government
.
Government
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 investing more money
on
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in
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 unemployed
people
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 would most likely increase the taxes of the working sector and will most likely spend
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 towards the
overall
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 growth of the economy
such
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 as hospitals and schools .
Becuase
Correct your spelling
Because
 of
this
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 measure in many rural places
such
Linking Words
 as in my village in 2013 the quality of education was rapidly declining.
On the other hand
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, a form of assistance could help
people
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 with fewer incomes
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moreover
Correct word choice
and moreover
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, could encourage families to focus on
necesities
Correct your spelling
necessities
such
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 as food , shelter etc...
This
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 in fact would
encourge
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encourage
 girls
of
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from
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 rural places to
purse
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pursue
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 education and more likely elevate their living standards
while
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 having good hygiene and a backbone for work.
Many
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In many
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 instances for
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
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 in India the
government
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 provides a special quota to the
people
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 in need
also
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 most commonly known as reservations. In conclusion, the
government
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 should not provide any sum of money to the residents which may lead to recession and lower
producutivty
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productivity
 and aspirations.
However
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, may play
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
importnat
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important
 role towards shaping
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 future
likewise
Linking Words
 job opportunities , exposure and a sense of responsibility.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints as required by the prompt. However, your response would benefit from better clarity and development of ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and logically structured.
task achievement
Ensure to use more specific examples and relevant details to support your arguments. This helps in providing a more thorough response to the task.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, aim to create a stronger link between your paragraphs. This will help in reinforcing your main points and improving the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas within your paragraphs. Ensure each sentence connects well with the next, enhancing the overall clarity and readability of your essay.
task achievement
You clearly presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates your ability to understand and respond to the task effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your point of view properly, which helps in reinforcing your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment benefits
  • Safety net
  • Financial insecurity
  • Poverty
  • Economic stability
  • Disincentive
  • Financial burden
  • Job training programs
  • Employability
  • Root causes of unemployment
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