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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Topic: The tables and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the chart shows how it was distributed.

Topic: The tables and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the chart shows how it was distributed.
#topic #tables #information #police #budget #area #britain #money
The provided table and pie charts
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
 the data about
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
budget
 between 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain.
Overall
, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen the total
budget
 and
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
every
sources
Change to a singular noun
source
show examples
 increased in 2018 compared to 2017,
however
, it must be
notice
Correct your spelling
noted
show examples
 that in 2018 the whole spending which was for salary of police
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased significantly
while
 technologies
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
slightly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 when buildings and transport remained stable. Police
budget
 had grown
gradially
Correct your spelling
gradually
, from 304.7m to 318.6m
overall
,
while
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
sources
also
 changed, respectively.
For instance
,
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Government showed
minimally
Change the adverb
minimal
show examples
 growth to 177.8m from 175.5m.
Whereas
, other
sources
 jumped to only half of
million
Correct article usage
a million
show examples
, from 38m to 38.5m.
Nevertheless
, it
mus
Correct your spelling
must
show examples
 to
notice
Verb problem
noted
show examples
 local taxes considerably rocketed compared to
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Government and other
sources
, climbing from just more than 90m to
sligthly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 more than 100m. The spending of the
budget
 changed dramatically at that time. Salaries that had 3 quarters of all total spending, declined for just less than 70% in 2018.
Moreover
, technologies
Correct your spelling
risen
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
show examples
 for 75% of its own, from 8% to 14%,
however
 the
budget
 for buildings and transport stagnated
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words budget, sources, m with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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