IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

The illustrations show how chocolate is produced. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#illustrations #show #chocolate #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The diagram shows the production of
chocolate
, with 10
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
steps, starting with growing and ending with pressing of
inner
Add an article
the inner
an inner
show examples
 part to produce liquid
chocolate
.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cacao trees
grown
Add the auxiliary verb
are grown
show examples
 in
south
Add an article
the south
show examples
 pole of the world
such
 as
South
Change preposition
in South
show examples
 America, Africa and Indonesia. The ripe red pods are harvested for taking out the white cocoa beans from their shells. The beans are
then
 fermented, after which they are sent to be
spreading
Wrong verb form
spread
show examples
 in
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
show examples
 to dry.
After
this
 step is completed, they are put in large sacks
transferred
Correct word choice
and transferred
show examples
 by trucks or trains. Afterwards, they are taken to the factory with various processes for reaching the best form of
chocolate
. A multi-step process begins with roasting the beans to get cacao oil after that crushing them
for removing
Change preposition
to remove
show examples
outer
Add an article
the outer
show examples
 shell. The final product is sent to the finish stage, they press the inner part to produce liquid
chocolate
.
Submitted by jigglypuff on

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task achievement
You have provided a fairly complete response. However, be mindful of minor inaccuracies such as the mention of the 'south pole.' The cacao trees grow in tropical regions, not the south pole. Correcting such inaccuracies will improve your task response.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of information. For instance, the introduction can be more detailed, and the concluding remarks can nicely wrap up your report.
task achievement
Develop the main points further by adding more details and specific examples where relevant. For instance, a more detailed explanation of each processing step at the factory would provide a more comprehensive idea to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Consider using linking phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and body paragraphs explaining the chocolate production process.
task achievement
The essay successfully mentions all the main steps in the production of chocolate, from growing cacao trees to producing liquid chocolate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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