It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaurs, dodos, etc.). There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
Over the globe most
animals
die due to
natural processes, in other words
, every alive will die one day and therefore
there is no need to doing
some Wrong verb form
do
preserving
action to save them by government and private companies. Correct word choice
preventive
Although
there is some truth to that statement I completely disagree with it because animals
die not only their nature but also
human's harmful actions
.
The first thing is that illegal hunting is the main reason for the extinction of animals
. In other words
, most people do not prefer to get special permissions from the government due to
long procedures, paying state taxes for consent and avoiding some supervision. For example
, recent research in Africa revealed that most animals
are killed due to
the illegal actions
of poachers especially some unique sorts of tigers, elephants and also
wild birds. To deal with this
problem
humans must create zoos to preserve them from poachers attack.
Another contributing factor is that also
humans and their actions
which that actions
affect the environment. These actions
like throwing into the ocean some metal residues, pockets of goods and also
fuels, all other things are harmful to the aquatic world
and also
building factories and their pollutive fumes, cutting down forests and main factors for the extinction of animals
which live in forest or cold continents. Polar bears are a good example of this
. Scholars said that after two decades we cannot see polar bears in Antarctica because of increasing temperatures and thawing icebergs.
Last
but not least, it is a fact that animals
die in one day because it is natural true and all humanity but in the contemporary world
we can blame these catastrophic changes humanity
. Change preposition
on humanity
Solve
Wrong verb form
Solving
this
problem
is indispensable if humanity does not find the keys to this
problem
not only animals
but also
all world
might be extinct.
In conclusion, I once restate my position, it is true that animal species are becoming extinct and that is
a natural process. But that is
only one reason for extinction and to tackle that problem
world
organizations should create relevant opportunities to preserve not only rare animals
but also
all of them.Submitted by abdulaziz
on
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task achievement
Ensure all ideas are clearly presented and comprehensively developed. Some points could benefit from further elaboration, and certain arguments may need more clarity.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs for smoother logical flow. This will help readers follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor language inaccuracies, especially with word choices and sentence structure. They can distract from your main points.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help substantiate your points.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering clear argumentation in disagreement with the statement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presents the topic clearly, and the conclusion reinforces the main arguments well.
task achievement
Effective use of relevant specific examples, such as illegal hunting and environmental pollution, though they could benefit from more elaboration.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.