IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Holding international game Such as Olympic games is an exciting event. Some people think it has positive effect while others argue it is waste of money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Nowadays there are many competitions
helding
Correct your spelling
held
 around the world
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct article usage
the Olympic
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Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
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 that every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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 that it has a pros impact
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
However
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, others see that
its
Correct your spelling
it is
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unnecessary
Correct article usage
an unnecessary
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 event and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of money.I firmly believe that the statement that supports the
events
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
is
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 more beneficial to the
community's
Change the noun form
communities
community
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.
On
Change preposition
In
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 one word,There is a significant
reasons
Change the noun form
reason
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 why
people
Use synonyms
 think that international
Use synonyms
events
Add a verb
events are
events were
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 more protective.First of all, these types of
events
Use synonyms
 can encourage
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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intreast
Correct your spelling
interest
 and
person
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 ability.
For example
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,every individual in the world has skills that there really good at
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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so if the government supports their intelligence and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 some
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 in order to help them to improve and enhance their abilities.
Additionally
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, it will help the society to improve economically, and all tourists want to
visits
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 to watch these
events
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.
On the other hand
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, some communities believe that it wasting of
moneys
Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
show examples
 and time. To
Correct your spelling
begin
bigen
Correct your spelling
begin
 with,
people
Use synonyms
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 more
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
resbonsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 to do
such
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 as academic work and career
Change preposition
apply
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
development so
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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 everybody
have
Change the verb form
has
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 the time to participate in these
events
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 or even watch
Correct pronoun usage
them
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Moreover
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, nowadays individuals aim to get high masters
instead
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 of
involved
Add a missing verb
being involved
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 in games.
For instance
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, all my
family
Change noun form
family's
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 goals
to
Add a missing verb
are to
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 get into
univarstiy
Correct your spelling
university
 and get
high
Correct article usage
a high
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creer
Correct your spelling
career
 and
high
Correct word choice
higher
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 education including me.
To conclude
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,
This
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types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of
discussions
Fix the agreement mistake
discussion
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 depends on the
person
Change noun form
person's
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believes
Replace the word
beliefs
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,but the majority of communities are with to hold games and
every one
Replace the word
everyone
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 in each country
has
Verb problem
is
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 involved in these
events
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. Personally, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that holding
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this
Change the determiner
this event
these events
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events
Use synonyms
 not only will help the individuals to discover and
develp
Correct your spelling
develop
 their skills but
also
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 will help the society to
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to connect your ideas with appropriate linking words. For example, using phrases like 'on the other hand' instead of 'on one word' can create clearer transitions between different parts of your argument.
task achievement
Try to include more detailed examples to support your points. For instance, provide specific instances of how international events have positively impacted local economies or how people have benefited from such events.
coherence cohesion
Review basic grammar and spelling rules to improve sentence construction. Errors such as 'holding' instead of 'held' and 'protective' instead of 'productive' can affect readability.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and sufficient development to fully cover that idea. This makes your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion do a good job of framing the debate and expressing your own opinion clearly.
complete response
You have done well in including points on both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view before concluding with your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay demonstrates an understanding of both perspectives regarding international events, which is crucial for a comprehensive discussion.
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