IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Your town’s local government wants to create a new entertainment facility for its local residents. They have the option of either a zoo or a drive-in. Write between 150-200 words and explain why your choice is best suited for the residents and to make the best use of their leisure time. Option A: the town’s government should build a zoo Option B: the town’s government should build a drive-in

#town’s #government #entertainment #facility #residents #option #zoo #drive-in #choice #leisure #time #b
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The choice between a zoo and a drive-in certainly presents a complex scenario. I opine that the drive-in would have more pros over cons to it.
To begin
 with, drive-ins provide a top-notch opening for people to mingle with each other and foster friendships.
Furthermore
, the experience is one of a kind. People are limited to the experiences their cars provide; with the exception of road trips, there is not a multitude of activities individuals can do in their cars. Watching a movie in the
coziness
Change the spelling
cosiness
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 of your car clears that dilemma.
Nevertheless
, if the zoo was chosen, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 go against all basic moral codes. Considering animal rights and their emotional well-being, it would be amoral to watch animals just for the sake of
humoring
Change the spelling
humouring
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 ourselves.
For example
, every animal in captivity is or has been separated from their families; if we met the same fate, there would be an outrage. Conclusively, with the welfare of animals in mind on top of the numerous advantages of the drive-in, the latter is worth consideration.
Submitted by simrankaurkaur450 on

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task achievement
Include more relevant examples to better support your argument, especially considering the unique benefits of a drive-in movie experience beyond just being in the car.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is expanded with additional details and supporting information. For instance, emphasize more on how drive-ins could enhance community bonding.
coherence cohesion
While coherence and cohesion are good, ensure smoother transitions between points for even better flow. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, appropriately framing the argument.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are logically structured and each point naturally flows from the previous one.
task achievement
The essay presents pertinent points about the animal welfare concerns with zoos and the unique experience of drive-ins.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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