IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
It is true that there are a variety of university students
would
Correct pronoun usage
who would
show examples
 like to study more
interested
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
subjects
. Others insist that it is more significant to put all their
time
 and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
to focus
Change preposition
into focusing
show examples
 on
one
qualification
.
While
 there are some benefits to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 a number of
subjects
 at the same
time
, I believe that focusing on
one
qualification
 is better for us. There is
one
 reason why it could be argued that we should learn more
subjects
. On the
one
 hand, learning about other
subjects
in addition
 to main
subjects
 is a good method for us to broaden our
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
. During our learning period, our memory always
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 a stable and high level, which means that it allows us to remember all kinds of
knowledge
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a higher speed.
Therefore
, we are able to learn other
subjects
as well as
 our major
subjects
 at the same
time
.
We’re
Unnecessary verb
We
show examples
 ought to broaden our
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
, after which we have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 understanding of some
un-known
Correct your spelling
unknown
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 and learn more useful and
diversity
Replace the word
diverse
show examples
knowledge
.
However
, I agree with those who believe that we’d better pay more
attention
 to our majority
subjects
.
On the other hand
, we can acquire
knowledge
 in greater depth when we give all our
time
 and
attention
 to studying for a
qualification
 . Nowadays, increasing
subjects
 require us to focus on research and learn key
knowledge
, which will make it difficult for us to spend more free
time
 and
attention
 on
other curriculum
Change the wording
another curriculum
other curricula
show examples
.
For example
, to be a doctor, you should at least have a 5-year learning in medical science,
then
 you will have an opportunity to intern in
hospital
Add an article
a hospital
show examples
. It takes a few more years of study and experience to become a successful doctor.
Overall
, if you would like to
deeply learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 your main subject, you’d better put your most
time
 and
attention
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 it and
don’t
Verb problem
not
show examples
 give up. In conclusion, it seems to me that concentrating on
one
qualification
 could help us learn
knowledge
 deeply, which is more beneficial and important than learning various
subjects
 together.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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coherence
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that all sentences serve a clear purpose. Some sentences might feel redundant or repetitive, which can affect the logical flow of the essay.
task response
Make sure to elaborate on examples and relate them back to the main argument more clearly. Offering detailed and specific examples can strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.
coherence
The essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The ideas presented are generally clear and comprehensive, addressing both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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