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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting themain features, and make comparisons whererelevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting themain features, and make comparisons whererelevant.
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The graph illustrates the rates of household usage for washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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,
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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,
internet
Use synonyms
, and
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 in the United States between 1995 and 1999, with the data measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that all of the
households
Change noun form
household's
households'
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 technology was increased throughout the period. In terms of the highest utility, washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 stood at 60% in 1995.
This
Linking Words
 proportion witnessed a slight growth until
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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peak
Correct article usage
a peak
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to
Change preposition
of
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 80% in 1999.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentages
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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followed by
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 began at 40% in 1995.
While
Linking Words
 the computer rose moderately to 30% in 1999, the phone
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 started at around 18% in 1995 overtook the number with
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 gain at 75% in 1999. Regarding the smallest household used,
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 opened at 25% and 10%, respectively. The
DVD
Use synonyms
player
Use synonyms
 slowed down the rate to 12% and
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 stepped up to 20% in 1996. Both of them experienced a similar uptrend before became wider to 50% for
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 and 40% for
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 in 1999.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, dvd, player with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • households
  • technology
  • graph
  • 1995
  • 1999
  • televisions
  • computers
  • remained relatively stable
  • significant increase
  • surpassed
  • doubled
  • slight increase
  • suggests
  • growing trend
  • adoption
  • continued popularity
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