IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the expenditure of the people of a country on different activities in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the expenditure of the people of a country on different activities in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the data on
expenditure
Use synonyms
 in an unknown country on a variety of activities in two different years
of
Change preposition
apply
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2000 and 2010. The unit of measurement is percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, travelling and education accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 major proportion in terms of
expenditure
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, people spent the least on footwear and clothing. In 2000, the highest
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was education a total figure
or
Correct your spelling
of
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 34%, followed by travelling which accounted for 25%.
However
Linking Words
, in the year 2010, the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on travelling
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased by 35%,
whereas
Linking Words
, the money being spent on education was only 20%. The proportion of money spent on health was
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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years with a consistent figure of 15%,
as well as
Linking Words
 the
expenditure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
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 Restaurants and Hotels
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased from 16% in 2000 to 17% in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Footwear and clothing were not a major part of the
expenditure
Use synonyms
, with a 10%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
portion in 2000 and 13% by 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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