Some people say the government should give health care the first priorities, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayer’s money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Proponents of healthcare argue that the
government
should prioritize it, while
others claim that there are other crucial sectors
that the government
should take into consideration. I completely agree with the first statement as other sectors
would not be successful enough, if there were not healthy citizens
to work
in them.
The majority of people
believe that other sectors
like education
are more significant than healtcare
. Educated Correct your spelling
healthcare
health care
people
become quality workforce, and they involve
in important areas like technology by making Wrong verb form
are involved
state of art
products which are Correct your spelling
state-of-the-art
higly
demanded by many Correct your spelling
highly
people
. They improve their local economy by boosting the revenues of companies they work
for and facilitate
Wrong verb form
facilitating
the
economic growth. Take Samsung as an example, if there was no Correct article usage
apply
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
education
in South Korea, Samsung would not hire intelligent employees and turned
into one of the world's largest smartphone Change the verb form
turn
brand
. Because both their own Fix the agreement mistake
brands
citizens
and foreign people
buy its product Samsung foster
more inflow of money from sales both locally and globally.
Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
However
, I think that if there was no good healthcare system, education
would not matter. If you do not have a sector that you can rely on whenever you feel ill or need serious medical surgery, you cannot be healthy enough to work
and make a living. Having access to free high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
healtcare
is important. Correct your spelling
healthcare
Citizens
who are in good medical condition can live longer, work
longer, and bring more income tax to country's
budget. Take Germany as an example, Correct article usage
the country's
people
can take advantage of medical services free of charge by paing
Correct your spelling
paying
high income
taxes. Add a hyphen
high-income
Besides
, they can deter people
form
going Correct your spelling
from
elsewhere
for the same services and prevent outflow
of money from Add an article
the outflow
an outflow
county
. Add an article
the county
For example
, in my country, Azerbaijan people
travel to other countries like Iran and Turkey to be diagnosed and cured properly. This
trend damages the healthcare sectors
and causes trust issues among Fix the agreement mistake
sector
people
towards government
.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
the government
aother
Correct your spelling
another
other
sectors
like education
can bring countries economic benefit
. Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
However
, it would not matter if citizens
turst
the Correct your spelling
trust
government
and live long enough to bring income tax to the country.Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on
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grammar
Ensure all verbs are in the correct form. For example, in the second sentence, 'involve' should be 'are involved.'
vocabulary
Maintain consistent use of field-specific terminology. 'Turned' in 'turned into one of the world's largest smartphone brand' should be 'turned into one of the world's largest smartphone brands.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences logically flow from one to another. The transition between ideas is clear, but could be enhanced with linking phrases or words.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured, balanced discussion on both views.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as Samsung and Germany, supports the arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The thesis is clear, and the conclusion aligns well with the arguments presented.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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