In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Across the globe, the vast majority of the population deems that the government is responsible for solutions to young generations’ health problems like unhealthy eating disorders. I advocate strongly with the opinion of the majority and am going to reflect my own view of
such
a common issue.
First of all, those in favour of blaming authorities for this
problem have valid reasons to be concerned about their youngsters’ well-being and enormous danger for the country
future as well. It is Change noun form
country's
undeniable
fact that officials Correct article usage
an undeniable
power
over the fast-food industry and unhealthy meal advertisement systems that major Add a missing verb
have power
spoiler
of children’s form. Fix the agreement mistake
spoilers
In addition
to that one of the crucial duties of the country is to take care of the young members of the society who are going to replace the elders. That is
why it is important to prevent children from consuming food that leads to obesity.
On the other hand
, it can be spotted that the issue also
results from a lack of discipline and potential mistakes that are made in the process of bringing up. Nowadays, numerous parents have no cooking skills in order to make a healthy meal at home and they end up going out to eat at different places or using delivery serves
directly from restaurants. In fact, children have been given a lot of freedom and choices to choose what they want to eat in a family which is one of the major issues done by role models namely parents. Replace the word
services
For example
, over the past 10 ,years health-damaging drinks and food consumption has risen by 30% according to
the research. Although
fast food and fizzy drinks have short term
joy the long-term Add a hyphen
short-term
effect
will even be more serious.
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
To conclude
, I would stress that the problem is hard to solve by one side thus
need the cooperation of both parents and the government to address it.Correct word choice
and thus
Submitted by uluga2002 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the responsibility of the government in solving the issue of children becoming overweight and unhealthy. However, the argument could be more developed and the counter-argument could be presented more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, however, the body paragraphs lack coherence and relevant transition phrases. It is important to organize the ideas more cohesively and maintain a clear structure throughout the essay.