Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefits, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Animals
are a key factor in different aspects of all creatures, not only
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
but
also
plants.
Due to
the fact that they are on the verge of extinction, some people believe that they should not
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
subjected to the desires of human beings.
However
, some conflict with
this
notion and benefit from
animals’
Change noun form
animals
show examples
products.
This
essay will express both views and reveal my orientation towards these statements. The vital role of
animals
in human beings’ lives is universally acknowledged.
Animals
provide some of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind’s necessities, which are crucial nutrients.
That is
, they are known as the source of some essential proteins
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which people require
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to survive. Despite the fact that vegetables could be altered with them, it has been scientifically proven that vitamins and proteins in plants could not be a substitute for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beef and ham.
Hence
, humans’ lives entail consuming meat. Worth
to mention
Wrong verb form
mentioning
show examples
that recently insects as a substitute for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meat
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
widely endorsed,
however
, it does not change the subject of animal consumption.
On the contrary
, these creatures are acknowledged as a finite source on the earth the same as the other natural resources. To extend
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
in addition
to the sympathy for enduring painful imposed action on them, they
also
have an essential effect on the ecosystem and food chain. The excess consumption of them could threaten not only just
animals
but
also
mankind. Bees’ effects are a case in point. It is examined that the extinction of bees endangers other plants’ lives
due to
their strong connection.
Although
generally, predators hunt other creatures,
this
is not comparable with the humans’ excess consumption,
such
as
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, clothes, medical research and
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
. In conclusion, the dependency of humans on
animals
is unavoidable.
However
,
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the best of my knowledge, reducing the unnecessary use of them could be beneficial to preserve and avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

specific examples
Consider elaborating on specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, you can mention specific studies that highlight the nutritional benefits of animal products or detail particular instances of animal usage in medical research.
ideas development
Ensure all ideas are fully developed. Some paragraphs contain general statements that would benefit from further elaboration, such as the point about insects as meat substitutes.
grammar and clarity
Make sure to thoroughly revise sentences for grammar and clarity. Some sentences are long and complex, which can obscure meaning. Simple, clear sentences can be more impactful.
task response
Good attempt at balancing both views, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
organization
Introduction and conclusion are well-defined, which helps in providing a clear structure to the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The use of transitional phrases such as 'On the contrary' helps to logically connect ideas between paragraphs.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: