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Band 4.5

Some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #reward #students #show #results #improvements
Several individuals think that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
reward
students
 with the best academic scores, meanwhile
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that it would be better to
reward
students
 who represent improvements. I support
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 idea that
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 with improvements should be gifted. At all times the
students
 with marvelous academic
results
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
show examples
 treated better than others. Teachers tend to like them more
due to
high
Correct pronoun usage
their high
show examples
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 and give them
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
. The egg-head
students
 demonstrate the highest
results
due to
 their preparation. They often
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 hard and spend their spare time
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying because of awareness of
vision
Correct pronoun usage
their vision
show examples
 and goals .
Besides
, parents can force them to study
due to
 their desires, and not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 with children.
However
, these people who show great
results
 really deserve some prizes. It shows that these people possess discipline and obedience to teachers or parents.
Furthermore
, not all children can handle the tasks and solve them with the top score. People are different and they could be better at
other aspect
Change the wording
another aspect
other aspects
show examples
 of life.
Nevertheless
, if these individuals try to solve the tasks even without knowing
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
how.
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
 should pay attention to it and think about
award
Fix the agreement mistake
awards
show examples
.
For instance
,
creative
Add an article
the creative
a creative
show examples
student
 is bad at math and he has to do the homework.
Then
 he
make
Verb problem
did
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research and
seek for
Wrong verb form
sought
show examples
 examples to do the homework. When he did the homework and
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 noticed better
results
, it would be better to
reward
this
student
.
Be
Wrong verb form
Being
show examples
 a
student
 with progress is harder and more impressive than
Add a missing verb
being the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
student
 who has knowledge
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it. In conclusion, it is better to award the
students
 with progress than the
students
 with
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 score.
Submitted by tamerlankts on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that you clearly address both views in more detail and spend more time discussing your own opinion. Expanding on why rewarding improvement is beneficial with more specific examples would help.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, try to use more linking phrases and words to connect your ideas smoothly. Make sure each paragraph follows logically from the previous one.
idea supporting
Make sure your main points are well-supported with specific examples or explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make your writing more convincing.
introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the issue and your opinion on it, which sets a good foundation for the essay.
topic understanding
Your essay demonstrates an adequate understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of both perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • growth mindset
  • significant improvement
  • high academic standards
  • personal development
  • diverse learning paces
  • competitive academic environment
  • hard work and talent
  • supportive environment
  • inclusive
  • acknowledge
  • showcase
What to do next:
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