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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community?

#job #seekers #receipt #government #work #community
There is no denying the fact that voluntary
work
 takes the community to the next level in a good way.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that researchers of jobs must do voluntary
work
 to return something to society, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that forcing
job
 seekers to do voluntary
work
 is wrong, and I will explain my point of view.
To begin
 with, many
people
 finish their learning journey, whether
school
Change preposition
at school
show examples
 or university, with a high degree.
In other words
, when they graduate and start finding a
job
 to be good members of society and
work
 hard to help other
people
, they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 shocked by the unreasonable hiring standards.
In addition
, there are many tests that must be passed to get a
job
. A university grade alone is not enough.
For example
, the IELTS test and cognitive abilities are essential to get a
job
 nowadays. Another point to consider, forcing
people
 to do voluntary
work
 is not a reasonable idea. It is
also
 possible to say that forcing
people
 to do something they do not want to do makes them aggressive in the voluntary
work
 environment, and maybe disloyal in their performance.
For instance
, if they teach children in poor areas how to read or write incorrectly,
this
 will affect society negatively. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should inform graduates that they need to pass several tests to secure employment without taking money from them.
Submitted by ahadaloufi3a on

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task achievement
The essay needs a clear thesis statement that outlines the main arguments in the introduction. This helps set the tone for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and provide more clarity to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is adequately developed with supporting sentences. This will improve the coherence and logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use clear transition words to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points of the essay are relevant to the topic and provide a balanced view of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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