IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasoas for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or xperience

#people #technology #developments #lives #control #reasoas #xperience
Most
of
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apply
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people trust that
technology
make
Verb problem
has
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 positive effects
in
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on
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humans
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human
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 life but some
tuttes
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tutors
belive
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believe
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 that
technology
is made
Verb problem
has caused
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 lots of negative development .I will discuss both views in
upcoming
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the upcoming
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 paragraph. To commence with,
mobile
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the mobile
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 phone is
very
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a very
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 big development of
technology
 because mobile
phone
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phones
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 make our life easier and
fast
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faster
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.we can find anything and anywhere
with
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in
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few
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a few
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 seconds and get true information.
Mobile
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The mobile
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 phone saves
our
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us
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 energy and time .
In
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On
show examples
Correct article usage
the others
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others hands
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other hand
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,
medical
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the medical
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 sector is very
progress
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progressive
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 and good machines rather than past help with
technology
.
Doctor
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Doctors
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 can do any treatment
with
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apply
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safely and fast because they have lots of medical tools for treatment.
Furthermore
,
technology
 is
first
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the first
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 and foremost reason
of
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for
show examples
 unemployment in our country because in job sites they need 100 people for work but
presence
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the presence
show examples
 of machines .
Submitted by jagjitsingh84911 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Start with an introduction, provide body paragraphs discussing each point of view, and then give a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is well-developed and clearly focused on a single idea or point of view. Avoid jumping from one idea to another without smooth transitions.
task achievement
Improve grammatical accuracy and vocabulary choices. For instance, avoid phrases like 'most of people' and replace it with 'most people.'
task achievement
Support your ideas with specific and relevant examples. For example, instead of saying 'mobile phone saves our energy and time,' provide a scenario where this is evident.
task achievement
Write a clear conclusion to summarize your points and give your own opinion.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both sides of the argument, which is good for task response.
task achievement
The use of technology examples like mobile phones and medical tools shows some relevant thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Enhance
  • Efficiency
  • Convenience
  • Medicial advancements
  • Remote work
  • Flexibility
  • Work-life balance
  • Dependence
  • Social interaction
  • Data privacy
  • Security
  • Automation
  • Artificial intelligence
  • Employment
  • Economic stability
  • Screen time
  • Mental health
  • Productivity
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