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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new product that may improve our lives. Which view do you agree or disagree?

#people #advertisement #product #lives
In modern times, several individuals believe that advertising influences the generations to purchase products which are not needed in their lives
whereas
 many persons consider
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 numerous benefits to the people to enhance their lifestyle.
This
 essay elaborates on both views before presenting
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why I partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
To begin
 with, there are multifarious points to stand with the former stance, but the prominent is , whatever is shown on the internet is not good in quality sometimes and a number of citizens buy those
ietms
Correct your spelling
items
 because they get attracted by the way
advertise
Change the form of the verb
advertising
show examples
 is presented,
although
 they do not need it.
For example
,
youth
Add an article
the youth
a youth
show examples
 of today
is following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 celebrities on social media and try to copy their style of wearing clothes and so many other things which are not worth in the life of people. They buy expensive brands and
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
show examples
 more than their incomes and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
Correct article usage
a wastage
show examples
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of money. Exploring the other side, there are valid thoughts in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favor of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 buying things, one worth noticing crux is , by watching or reading advertisements ,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 get to know about what kind of product is and how to use it. To clarify, they do see hair
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 and apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their hair . They only need to pay for the hair
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 and no need to visit
salon
Correct article usage
a salon
show examples
 which saves
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 money. Based on the above discussion, advertisement has numerous profits to the people ,
however
, it
also
 gives birth to some serious concerns.
This
 actively demonstrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Why I partially agree.
Submitted by manjeetsandhu1999 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point, providing clearer and more detailed examples to help support your arguments. Discussing more specific instances can strengthen your points and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
It's essential to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases and varying sentence structure to improve overall flow.
coherence cohesion
You should be careful with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Revising your essay for language precision and clarity can enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view addressing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, providing a clear starting point and an appropriate summary of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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