Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (21/08)
While
it is widely debated whether outdoor activities
provide more benefits than playing computer games especially
for Add the comma(s)
, especially
childen's
Correct your spelling
children's
development
or not, others argue that computer game
do improve Fix the agreement mistake
games
such
development
in youngsters as well. Both views and personal opinion
will be Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
further
discussed in the next paragraph.
To begin
with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that outdoor activites
play Correct your spelling
activities
crucial
role in enhancing Add an article
a crucial
children
's development
in various aspects such
as physical, societal, and linguistic dimension
. One, Fix the agreement mistake
dimensions
this
is possibly because playing outside involve
Correct subject-verb agreement
involves
variety
of mobility and agility Add an article
a variety
activities
such
as running or chasing one another aids large muscle strength. Also
, these activities
gradually force them to develop certain social skills such
as basic etiquette and empathy toward others. Lastly
, socializing usually
aligned with language skills which help them to practice and use it in Add a missing verb
is usually
real
world.
Many opponents of Add an article
the real
this
idea might opposed
that going out to play with friends can be more dangerous than playing computer Change the verb form
oppose
be opposed
game
these days. To simply explain, Fix the agreement mistake
games
number
of world's populations skyrocketed across the globe making open Change the article
a number
the number
area
for Fix the agreement mistake
areas
children
to hangout
less Correct your spelling
hang out
evenif
the front of their home Correct your spelling
even if
now
occupied with cars and motorcycles and left no space for them to play around. Take Bangkok, Add a missing verb
was now
For example
; children
in the cities experience congested roads in
every Change preposition
on
streets
.
Change to a singular noun
street
However
, I personally argue in favour of outdoor activities
seeing that it
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
healthy
lifestyle Correct article usage
a healthy
of
the Change preposition
for
children
which is vital as well. By going
out to play with their peeps nearby their neighbourhood can prevent them from being a potatoes couch as it is much more fun to hang around with others face-to-face and allow them to Change preposition
Going
excercise
through playing in a creative way. Regular Correct your spelling
exercise
excercise
can help them Correct your spelling
exercise
strenghten
their muscle Correct your spelling
strengthen
along with
get
rid of their old spare tire which Wrong verb form
getting
now
a concerning trendAdd a missing verb
is now
recently
.
In summary, Rephrase
apply
although
it is undeniable that there might possible
risks Add a missing verb
be possible
for
allowing Change preposition
to
children
to play outside, I am of the opinion that its beneficial
for promoting youngsters' Replace the word
benefits
development
outweight
its detrimental Correct your spelling
outweigh
effect
in several aspects.Fix the agreement mistake
effects
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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grammar
Pay attention to minor grammatical and spelling errors such as 'evenif' should be 'even if', 'opposed' should be 'opposers', 'strenghten' should be 'strengthen', etc. Although they are minor, they can affect the overall professionalism of the essay.
coherence
While your points are clear, the essay can benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, use linking words like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'However' more frequently to ensure the coherence of your arguments.
details
Expand on your examples and provide more specific details to strengthen your supporting points. For example, explain more about specific activities or provide statistical data to back your points.
clarity
Rephrase some sentences to improve readability and avoid redundancy. For instance, instead of saying 'Lastly, socializing usually aligned with language skills which help them to practice and use it in real world', consider something clearer like 'Lastly, interacting with peers enhances their language skills, which is beneficial for real-world communication.'
balance
The essay covers both perspectives adequately, providing balanced insight into the debate about outdoor activities and computer games.
structure
You present a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in summarizing and closing your arguments effectively.
organization
Your arguments are logically organized, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your line of thought.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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