In these day, some people believe that the white collar worker must have a higher salary than the renowned athletes and artists. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, some
says
that office jobs have a higher Correct subject-verb agreement
say
salary
as compared to well-known athletes
and artists. I totally disagree with this
statement because athletes
represent their country
in national games and represent as
Correct pronoun usage
them as
a
role Correct article usage
apply
model
for Fix the agreement mistake
models
young
generation on social media.
Famous Add an article
the young
athletes
and artists should have more salary
because each athlete represent
their Change the verb form
represents
country
identity in Change noun form
country's
an international games
like Correct the article-noun agreement
international games
an international game
Correct article usage
the Olympic
Olympic
and Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
World
Cup . They are Correct article usage
the World
professional
trained Change the adjective
professionally
athletes
who carry stress both for family as well as
for a
Correct article usage
the
country
,if they perform extremely well in a match then
more likely they will help Add an article
the country
country
economy by Change noun form
country's
bring
more financial support , Wrong verb form
bringing
eventually
, Correct word choice
and eventually
salary
of well-known Add an article
the salary
a salary
athlete
should have more Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
salary
. For instance
, Virat Kohli is a caption
of Correct your spelling
captain
Indian
cricket team and Add an article
the Indian
Indian
team won Correct article usage
the Indian
World
Correct article usage
the World
cup
Capitalize word
Cup
this
year against 10 other countries , this
helps to make strong
connection with other countries Add an article
a strong
as well as
boost their country
economy.
Another reason is why Change noun form
country's
athletes
get salary
more because they are one of the biggest influencers on social media , which helps millions of Correct article usage
a salary
people
to build their career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
,
and motivate young teens to choose sports as a professional career. Remove the comma
apply
Whereas
,white collar people
not
that Add a missing verb
are not
much
famous and Fix the agreement mistake
apply
not
able to motivate a large number of Add a missing verb
are not
people
as compared to famous athletes
. For instance
, there are many fans of Virat Kohli who follow his routine and listen to his interviews , follow his meal plan in order to stay fit and healthy.
In conclusion , Although
office workers has
professional experience of many years with high Change the verb form
have
masters
Change noun form
master's
degree
, I believe that famous Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
atheltes
and artists bring more financial support to Correct your spelling
athletes
economy
and influence millions of Add an article
the economy
people
on social media thus
they should have more salary
.Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on
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clear comprehensive ideas
To increase the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, try to use varied sentence structures and ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on one main point. For instance, separate points about economy and social media influence into distinct paragraphs with more elaboration.
grammar spelling
Ensure grammatical accuracy and vary your vocabulary to enhance readability. Check for instances of word repetition and grammatical consistency, such as in the phrases 'athletes get salary more' or 'bring more financial support to economy'.
logical structure
Improve logical structure by using cohesive devices and linking words more effectively between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure each idea flows smoothly into the next to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay effectively acknowledges the opposite viewpoint and offers a strong counter-argument, which is necessary for a higher task response score.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points made in the essay, reinforcing your position and contributing to a well-rounded response.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and concrete examples, such as those involving Virat Kohli and Indian cricket, significantly help to illustrate your points and support your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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