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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows two different processes for manufacturing black tea. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows two different processes for manufacturing black tea. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagram below shows
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 of
tea
Use synonyms
 production using traditional and modern methods.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are 5 different stages, commencing with sorting, where the best quality leaves are selected from all, and ending with drying, using hot
air
Use synonyms
 dryers.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the process starts
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the selection of
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves, where only bud and 2 top leaves can be picked for
food quality
Add a hyphen
food-quality
show examples
tea
Use synonyms
. The next step
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is the withering
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 leaves. In
this
Linking Words
 stage,
air
Use synonyms
 passes through the leaves on the rack, which leads to a loss of 60 per cent of moisture. After that, withered
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves can go through either
traditional
Add an article
the traditional
show examples
method
Use synonyms
 or
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
method
Use synonyms
. Regarding
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
method
Use synonyms
, leaves are rolled and enzymes are released from the leaves. At the same time,
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
method
Use synonyms
 uses cutting leaves, torn and
curles
Correct your spelling
curled
, creating small granular pieces. Once
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves go through one of these methods, fermentation happens, causing the leaves to change their
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 to copper because of enzymes plus
air
Use synonyms
reaction
Fix the agreement mistake
reactions
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves are dried by oven or hot
air
Use synonyms
 dryers,
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
show examples
 97 per cent of total moisture.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tea, air, method with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • plucking
  • withering
  • rolling
  • fermentation
  • drying
  • grading
  • packaging
  • oxidation
  • quality
  • efficiency
  • cost-effectiveness
  • scalability
  • aroma
  • flavor profile
  • sequence of steps
  • equipment
  • methodology
  • production rate
  • comparative analysis
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