IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#experts #country #wealth #citizens
In the context of a wealthy country, opinions are divided on whether additional money brings joy to its
citizens
.
Although
 extra wealth does provide some
satisfaction
, I believe that other areas have more significant impacts on people’s happiness. Admittedly, a wealthy nation has met its
citizens
' needs to a certain extent
due to
 its prosperity.
However
, additional wealth remains important in
this
 ever-changing world, as a country with a high economic status always requires resources to maintain its leading position.
As a result
,
citizens
 may be more satisfied because they want to ensure
this
 top-tier status for future generations.
On the other hand
, there are other factors beyond finance that contribute to
citizens
'
satisfaction
, particularly in terms of education.
For instance
, investments in education can improve the quality of the system, allowing young people to access high-quality education. Increasing teachers' salaries and enhancing school facilities can improve students' educational experiences, which significantly impacts
citizens
'
overall
satisfaction
. In conclusion,
while
 extra money does bring some
satisfaction
 to people living in a wealthy country, I believe that other sectors, beyond finance,
also
 play a crucial role in enhancing
citizens
' happiness.
Submitted by cohoctro12122007 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt. However, it could benefit from more detailed examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are equally supported with specific examples or explanations to enhance the depth of your analysis.
task achievement
Consider elaborating more on how education and other factors beyond finance directly impact citizens' happiness, with concrete evidence or case studies.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure with a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulates your stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clearly articulated and present a logical progression from point to point.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view and a thorough understanding of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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