Some people think that children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In
this
technological epoch, staying fit and healthy is a grave concern. People are of the view that juveniles are no longer healthy, as they used to be in former centuries. I contend that there are various causes that lead to a lethargic life
. I will discuss later
in the segments.
Correct pronoun usage
this later
First,
the influence of social media in one’s life
. Youth spend excessive time on social media platforms such
as Youtube
, Instagram, Tiktok, and Twitter, which Correct your spelling
YouTube
deteriorate
physical and mental Correct subject-verb agreement
deteriorates
health
. According to
the World Health
Organization (WHO), for example
, since the introduction of gadgets around 70% of the youth around the world experience an unhealthy life
.
Moreover
, the importance of exercising regularly should not be disregarded as frivolous because it augments physical fitness and cardiac activities. Therefore
, effective steps must be taken to minimize the use of social media.
Furthermore
, busy work schedules cause ro
Correct your spelling
to
pay
less heed Add the particle
to pay
on
Change preposition
to
the
fitness. Children spend most of their time in school followed up by Correct article usage
apply
tuitions
, which exacerbates Fix the agreement mistake
tuition
health
. Homework and assignment compilations adds
pressure and Change the verb form
add
hence
a child is unable to focus on his health
. Reports from the USA state that students find it difficult to manage their fitness with studies because they are swamped with workload. Moreover
, school
lacks sports curricula, which Add an article
the school
improves
students' intellectual and muscular abilities. It is significant to know that a student's Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
health
matters the most to perform better in studies. If not it leads to diseases such
as obesity, hypertension and high cholesterol levels, which, inturn
, is deleterious to Correct your spelling
in turn
health
and affects academics.
To recapitulate, it is imperative that students' health
must not be ignored; otherwise
, it will deter later in life
. In addition
,it is suggested that institutions and parents should work together to ensure that their child has a healthy lifestyle.Submitted by uroojzulqernain on
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task response
You have addressed the prompt well by providing relevant points and examples. However, there is room for improvement in the precision and support of your arguments to strengthen your response further.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking phrases to transition between ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Ensure all supporting points directly relate to your thesis statement.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, and your conclusion aptly summarizes your position while providing a clear call-to-action.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs that each address a specific point related to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.