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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram demonstrates monthly sales of vacuum cleaners by brand name in five prominent cities of Canada, in thousands of units. Summarize the given information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram demonstrates monthly sales of vacuum cleaners by brand name in five prominent cities of Canada, in thousands of units. Summarize the given information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#sales #vacuum #cleaners #brand #name #five #cities #canada #thousands #units #information #features #comparisons
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The
given
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bar chart illustrates data about monthly
sales
 of vacuum cleaners by its company in five eminent cities of Canada, in thousands of units. At
the
Correct article usage
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first glance, the most distinguished is
dyson
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Dyson
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 and
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two ones roughly depict negligible
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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. Regarding the most popular brand, which is
dyson
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Dyson
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, it shows its high point in Calgary and Ottawa demonstrating about 1150000 and 1100000, correspondingly.
Moreover
, it was sold approximately
for
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550
thousand
 times in Vancouver and
also
 in Montreal, samely. Considering
electrolux
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Electrolux
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 company, even though it is not
renowned
Rephrase
as renowned
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 as
Dyson
 , it seems as second famous brand representing its highest point
it
Correct your spelling
in
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 Vancouver which is almost
popular
Rephrase
as popular
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 as
Dyson
 in that city
for
Change preposition
with
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 about 540
thousand
sales
. Related to the rest of the
cities
Change noun form
city's
cities'
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sales
 of
electrolux
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Electrolux
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, it conveys between 250 and 150 which seems
as
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apply
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insignificant. The
last
 brand which is considered
as
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apply
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the least well-known is
edmonton
Change the capitalization
Edmonton
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 which had its highest point in Vancouver and Montreal showing just above 300
thousand
 and just below 300
thousand
 , respectively. Dealing with
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 3 cities, three of them have negligible
sales
 accounting for about 50
thousand
Correct your spelling
50,000
.
Submitted by akbopeadilbek on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, dyson, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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