IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter -give details of your study plan -explain why you want a part-time job -suggest how your friend could help you find a job

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help #-give #plan #-explain #-suggest
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear Rohit, I hope
this
 finds you in radiant health and best of the spirits. I am writing
this
 letter to request you to find a part-time job. As you know, it was my dream to get an enrollment at Brock University, so
finally
, I nailed it. Business management is my course and the duration is three years. My classes are only four days and at the weekends, I am free to do my job. I am landing on 23rd, October and staying in an apartment. Could you help me to look for part-time work in a hotel, restaurant, or any other field? By doing work, I can cover my house expenses and try to save money for college funds. No doubt, college is giving me a scholarship but I have to pay only a 30% fee.
As well as
 I have to send a small of money to my parents because they get a loan from the bank to send me here. I appeal to you because you already live there, so you know better what kind of job would be suitable for me
according to
 my schedule.
Also
, you can add your reference which would be easier. I hope to hear a prompt response from your side regarding
this
 request. Yours lovingly, Arsh
Submitted by harmandeep51075 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Great job responding to all parts of the task! However, make sure to elaborate a bit more on your study plan. Mention specific subjects or projects that your Business Management course will cover and how you plan to manage your time.
coherence cohesion
The letter is cohesive and flows well, but try to use more transition words and phrases to connect your ideas even more smoothly. For instance, use words like 'consequently,' 'therefore,' or 'furthermore' to link sentences and paragraphs.
suitable writing tone
The tone is warm and friendly, which is very appropriate for writing a letter to a friend. This creates a good rapport and makes the reader more willing to help.
complete response
The letter covers all required points: details of the study plan, reasons for wanting a part-time job, and how the friend could help. This makes the letter well-rounded and complete.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enroll
  • curriculum
  • academic schedule
  • living expenses
  • practical experience
  • work-life balance
  • job listings
  • referral
  • recommendation
  • potential employer
What to do next:
Look at other essays: