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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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there growing tendency among people to live in a foreign country where a foreign
language
 is spoken, many argue that
this
language
 barrier may lead to miscommunication and even
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 sorts of social and practical problems and I, though not strongly, agree with
this
 statement. In most cases, talking and writing
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the main
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
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 of communication and affect our social lives heavily. So not knowing the
langugage
Correct your spelling
language
 will result in a lack of social interactions and in return
this
 will lead to difficulty in making friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and a sense of loneliness. By the same token,
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 are usually not
freindly
Correct your spelling
friendly
 towards those who
are following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 a different
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 and speak different
langugages
Correct your spelling
languages
,
Therefore
 in order to understand and integrate into the local culture,
one
 must first learn the local
langugages
Correct your spelling
language
.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 in a school or in a workplace creating relationships
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 important,
However
, it
near
Rephrase
is nearly
show examples
 impossible to make a meaningful connection when
one
 can not talk to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
Moreover
, being somewhat proficient in the local
langugage
Correct your spelling
language
 is more often than not a
requirment
Correct your spelling
requirement
 to get a job or get accepted
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a university.
Hence
, not speaking it may hinder job opportunities and professional progression.
In addition
 to that it may
complicated
Wrong verb form
complicate
show examples
ccessing
Correct your spelling
accessing
 essential services
such
 as healthcare or banking.
For example
, most companies only offer their services in
one
language
 so
one
 may not use them if
one
 does not speak the
language
.
Overall
, living in a
forgien
Correct your spelling
foreign
 country with a different
langugage
Correct your spelling
language
 certainly has its own
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
. It may make finding friends harder, it may result in complications in finding new jobs or using services. So, in my opinion, it is best to learn the
langugage
Correct your spelling
language
 first before travelling to a country.
Submitted by parsaj1381 on

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Spelling and Grammar
There are several spelling and grammatical errors such as 'Nowadays that there growing tendency', 'diffrent', 'langugages' and 'freindly', which hinder the clarity of your essay. Make sure to proofread your work or use spell-checking tools.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay offers a good structure but lacks a logical transition between points. Try using connecting words or phrases (e.g., 'Moreover', 'In addition', 'Therefore'). This will make your argument flow more smoothly.
Task Achievement
You have given some relevant examples, but they could be more detailed and specific. For instance, instead of saying 'most companies only offer their services in one language', refer to specific sectors or companies that do this to strengthen your argument.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework for your essay. However, you can make them stronger by succinctly summarizing your main points without introducing new information in the conclusion.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Your response is generally clear and you manage to cover several aspects of the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Introduction and Conclusion
The structure of your introduction and conclusion is quite effective, helping to frame your arguments well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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