Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
These
day's more and more Change the determiner
This
people
talking about Correct article usage
the improvment
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
of
public Change preposition
in
health
. Some people
think that the best way
of improving public health
by sports
facilities while
,
Remove the comma
apply
other
believe that Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
is not a good way
to make
Verb problem
have
best
effect Change the article
the best
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
make
only Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
little
amount of Correct word choice
a small
benifit
. In Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
will examine both sides of the Change the capitalization
I
benifit
and give my Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
overall
opinion.
Our most important thing is our health
but we are not serious about our health
. Nowadays some people
take it seiously
and try to think about it. Correct your spelling
seriously
Little
amount of Add an article
A little
The little
people
think
that the Change the verb form
thinks
bes
Correct your spelling
best
way
to improve public health
is by improving the number of sprots
Correct your spelling
sports
spots
facilites
. By increasing Correct your spelling
facilities
sprots facilites
Correct your spelling
sports facilities
it
will be Correct pronoun usage
apply
benificial
for Correct your spelling
beneficial
new
Correct article usage
the new
genaration
Correct your spelling
generation
cause
they are energetic but older Correct word choice
because
people
are not comfortable with sports
. As an example in
Change preposition
apply
last
year
BBC published that one Add a comma
year,
60 years old
guy Correct your spelling
60-year-old
dead
after Replace the word
died
play
football in Change the verb form
playing
ground
.
Add an article
the ground
On the other hand
, a hand of people
beleive
that Correct your spelling
believe
sports
is not a proper solution and they prefer more measures are important there. Frist
we need to focus on our food. In Correct your spelling
First
this
mordern
era Correct your spelling
modern
people
able
to count the calory so they can easily take their needy amount of calory. In recent Add a missing verb
are able
time
an Fix the agreement mistake
times
artical
published Correct your spelling
article
in
online a 100 Change preposition
apply
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
lady
Rephrase
ago lady
keep
fit by Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
taking
good food and Verb problem
eating
exercise
. So Wrong verb form
exercising
this
is the
another Remove the article
apply
mathod
Correct your spelling
method
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
be follow
.
In Change the verb form
be followed
conclution
, I Correct your spelling
conclusion
also
belive
that Correct your spelling
believe
sports
is
not only a good Change the verb form
are
way
to improve public health
but this
is beneficial. We need to do more research on it and try to developed
our public Change the verb
develop
health
.Submitted by belmontsy01 on
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task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the task but could benefit from a clearer structure. Make sure to cover both views comprehensively and back your opinions with relevant examples.
task achievement
The ideas presented need more elaboration to be fully clear and comprehensive. Try to extend your explanations with more specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and incorrect word choices that affect clarity. Review your grammar, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, enhance the introduction by clearly stating what the essay will cover and refine the conclusion to summarize your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas and ensure a more seamless flow from one point to the next.
task achievement
It's good that you have structured your essay into paragraphs, each dealing with a specific point or perspective.
task achievement
The essay shows an attempt to present multiple viewpoints and give a personal opinion, which is great for addressing the task comprehensively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.