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Writing Samples
Band 7

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. what are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

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There is no denying that
gender
Use synonyms
 is significant in choosing a field at school.
While
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 many women prefer fine art, males prefer positive
science
Use synonyms
 rather than
arts
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay clarifies the impact of
gender
Use synonyms
 roles and genetic tendencies by giving related examples.
Moreover
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, it will explain why change is necessary in
this
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 situation.
To begin
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 with, in many countries, girls have maintained their education in dance, painting, or other
arts
Use synonyms
 mostly because these fields are related to their genders.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 situation has gone for boys in
science
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,
such
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 as engineering, and medicine. Take an example, in Eastern countries, is accepted that dancing has a femineity aura,
while
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 civil engineering is seen as a masculine occupation.
Secondly
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, there is a general perception that women are inclined to
arts
Use synonyms
 rather than men.
For instance
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, If you are a woman, you are expected to be genetically more prone to art thanks to your graceful.
In addition
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,
science
Use synonyms
 departments are more suitable for males because of their ability and genetics
according to
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 these stereotypes. When it comes to the opinion that
this
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 situation should change or not, I strongly believe that it should transformed totally.
In other words
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, nowadays people have many opportunities to develop themselves in each and every area which are not linked to
gender
Use synonyms
. To explore the most crucial talents
gender
Use synonyms
 equality should be ensured in all fields without holding to their
gender
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,
Moreover
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, students should encouraged to try different areas to explore themselves. In conclusion, social
gender
Use synonyms
 roles and genetic tendencies are impactful in selecting a field at schools.
However
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, to achieve maximum yield
gender
Use synonyms
 factor should be removed for choosing
arts
Use synonyms
 or
science
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a more structured approach to argumentation, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main point supported with examples.
task achievement
Some ideas could be further elaborated to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the response.
coherence cohesion
Making sure that linking words and phrases are varied and used appropriately could improve the flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets a clear context for the discussion and effectively outlines the main points that will be examined.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and makes a clear case for change.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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